Love for Our Kids

I hope I can be as good of a parent as Will Smith was/is to his kids.  I LOVE this song! 

 

Clearly Will Smith had some really good parenting. He was raised right lol. In the church as far as I know . And he passes on this best advice ever to his son....

"From the first time the doctor placed you in my arms
I knew I'd meet death before I'd let you meet harm
Although questions arose in my mind,... would I be man enough?
Against wrong, choose right and be standin up
From the hospital that first night
Took a hour just to get the car seat in right
People drivin all fast, got me kinda upset
Got you home safe, placed you in your basonette

  That night I don't think one wink I slept
As I slipped out my bed, to your crib I crept (awe...)
  Touched your head gently, felt my heart melt
Cause I know I loved you more than life itself
Then to my knees, and I begged the Lord please
Let me be a good daddy, all he needs  (amen!)
Love, knowledge, discipline too
I pledged my life to you  (so cool :)

  Crazy joy, when I see the eyes of my baby boy
I pledge to you, I will always do
Everything I can
Show you how to be a man
Dignity, integrity, honor an
An I don't mind if you lose, long as you came with it
An you can cry, ain't no shame it it
  If the world attacks, and you slide off track
Remember one fact, I got your back

 

Ain't nothing promised, one day I'll be gone
Feel the strife, but trust life DOES go on
But just in case
It's my place to impart
One day some girl's gonna break your heart
And ooh ain't no pain like from the opposite sex (yep)
  Gonna hurt bad, but don't take it out on the next, son  (amen)

(This is the best part :)

  Throughout life people will make you mad
Disrespect you and treat you bad  (yep)
Let GOD DEAL with the things they do
Cause hate in your heart will consume you too  (Amen! how true is that!)

  Always tell the truth, say your prayers
Hold doors, pull out chairs, easy on the swears  (woot)
  You're living proof that dreams do come true  (awe...)
I love you and I'm here for you"

AMEN!  And all of that to my son/daughter as well.  May I give them just as good advice and love them just AS MUCH as he loved this first son. 

 

God be with you all! :)

Unhealed Wounds

John Mayer's song Daughters is really good on the topic of unhealed wounds from our past affecting us now....

"I know a girl
 She puts the color inside of my world (awe....)
 But she's just like a maze
 Where all of the walls all continually change (haha yep)
 And I've done all I can
 To stand on her steps with my heart in my hands  :( how sad
 Now I'm starting to see
 Maybe it's got nothing to do with me....

So fathers, be good to your daughters
 Daughters will love like you do...."

Meaning it wasn't necessarily something He was doing wrong with this girl he loved, she just had unhealed wounds from her dad and her past.  The second verse says her dad left her when she was little. :(  And that's why he wrote that song awe....how cute huh :) 

And how true is it that some things we just don't get over easily.  Some baggage we carry around for a loooong time.  But God sends people into our lives to help us get rid of that baggage little by little, and to help us learn to trust and love again.  :)

Praise God for His people! :)  Amen :)

Lying and Submission

If you don't have honesty in a relationship you don't have anything, because you can't have trust.

Verses on the topic of lying:

 

"Whoever wants to enjoy a long life must keep his tongue from lying."

 

"Truthful lips endure forever, but a lying tongue is but for a moment."

 

"There are six things that the Lord hates, seven that are an abomination to him: haughty eyes, a lying tongue, and hands that shed innocent blood...."

 

"A false witness will not go unpunished, and he who breathes out lies will perish."

 

http://www.openbible.info/topics/lying

 

So what do you do if a spouse lies?  Confront them about it, firmly.  Lying is never ok. 

 

In relation to that, the topic of submission is a much debated topic: wives submit to you husbands. 

 

If a father was beating his kids should they submit to him?  No. 

 

Some husbands want the power of being submitted to but not the responsibility it takes to be worthy of being submitted to. 

 

I think in order for a wife to have to submit the husband has to love her and act in a loving manner towards her.  The command in Eph. 6 is to BOTH husbands and wives, not just wives.  "Wives submit to your own husbands." and "husbands love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her."

 

If the husband is out for only his own interests and not caring at all about his wife at the moment, she should not at that time submit to him.  That would be co-dependency.  

 

To allow him to be rewarded with submission when he is not acting in a loving way toward her is co-dependent and enabling bad behavior. 

Fullness of Time

This blog is written by Tom Vermillion who wrote the book Born to be Free that I have read.  I am also attending a class that he created at Mid Cities church called Free Indeed.  This one is about the fullness of time and how we might be in the last days, as I've been writing about as well, very interesting. :)

http://www.tomvermillion.com/09/16/power-and-the-fullness-of-time/

"We have been in a kairos season for a century. Technology and knowledge has exploded across the globe. Two world wars have come and gone. The nuclear age has been ushered in and great nations have risen and fallen – some seemingly overnight like the USSR.  The Holy Spirit has always given revelation to man and manifested in miracles but now the church is moving in evangelism, healing, miracles, and revelation in ways not seen since the book of Acts.

This is consistent with biblical history.  In each kairos, God revealed himself in new ways and manifested his power through his people. The enemy too rose up in unprecedented ways in response. Of course, God always wins but during these kairos events spiritual activity seems to ramp up exponentially as it did in the gospels.

As you view the activity of God around the globe, we see millions of Chinese coming to faith in an avowed atheist nation.  Million have come to faith in Africa in the past few decades. Korean churches are bursting at the seams. Every mission report or campaign outlines miracles from radical conversions to radical healings (including raising people from the dead), along with miracles of protection and provision, dreams and visions, and thousands coming to Jesus in a day.

Of course, the cynical among us can reject the reports and videos and write it all off as demonic deception or emotionalism.  But the same believers will proclaim that we are certainly in the last days.  If we are finally coming to the end of the last days, then this is certainly a kairos and God is moving in the fullness of time. In those seasons God had always moved in power and done epic things through his people.

I believe today is no different.  I have personally seen the healings, deliverance, radical conversions, and miracles of provision and protection.  I have been told on numerous occasions by trustworthy people who have been eyewitnesses to Jesus appearing to Muslims and entire families renouncing Islam and coming to faith.  I have heard from trustworthy people who have seen with their own eyes the dead being raised in the name of Jesus and entire villages coming to faith as a result.  All of this sounds amazing and almost beyond belief but did it not happen in the book of Acts in the fullness of time?  Why must we doubt that God would use the miraculous power of heaven to bring in a great harvest now at the end of this season?"

Amen! :)

Dealing with the Demonic

http://www.tomvermillion.com/09/17/dealing-with-the-demonic-part-1/?fb_source=pubv1

By: tomvermillion.com,                                                   

I would much rather talk about the power and glory of Jesus and the advancing kingdom of God than the kingdom of darkness, but demons are still a spiritual reality that must be dealt with.  I have decided to do a series on the demonic because each of us will face them in our lives and I believe there is a great deal of demonic activity in America and the world today.  The only question is whether we will recognize what we are looking at and will we know what to do if we recognize that demonic spirits are in the mix.
 
A study of demons is both intriguing and frustrating.  They are simply a given in scripture with little or no explanation of their origins.  They are referenced in both the Old and New Testaments.  The first reference to demons is found in Deuteronomy.
 
Jeshurun grew fat and kicked; filled with food, he became heavy and sleek. He abandoned the God who made him and rejected the Rock his Savior. They made him jealous with their foreign gods and angered him with their detestable idols. They sacrificed to demons, which are not God— gods they had not known, gods that recently appeared, gods your fathers did not fear. (Dt.32:15-17). [Jeshurun is a poetic name for Israel who had begun to sacrifice to idols behind which were demonic spirits].
 
The Psalmist also declared, “But they mingled with the nations and adopted their customs. They worshiped their idols,which became a snare to them. They sacrificed their sons and their daughters to demons. They shed innocent blood, the blood of their sons and daughters, whom they sacrificed to the idols of Canaan, and the land was desecrated by their blood.”  (Ps.106:35-38).
 
In both references demonic spirits are attached to idol worship.  If we understand prophetic sections of the Old Testament correctly, Satan became proud and jealous and determined that he should be on the throne of heaven rather than Jehovah. It makes sense, then, that demons pose as gods and solicit worship.  Not only would their assignment include drawing people and nations away from the one true God, but surely they would also share the character of the one they serve and desire to be worshipped as he does.
 
The Old Testament refers to a number of spirits that are also demonic in nature – a lying spirit (2 Chr.18:22), a spirit of jealousy (Num.5:14 ESV), a haughty spirit (Prov.16:18-19), a spirit of heaviness or despair (Isa.61:3), a spirit of prostitution or spiritual adultery (Hos.4:12), and a spirit of perverseness (Isa. 19:14).
 
In Daniel 10, the curtain is drawn back on the spiritual realm and we see the angel sent in response to Daniel’s prayer engaged in cosmic warfare with the Prince of Persia who is resisting the plans of God.  This demonic spirit is so formidable that Michael, the arc angel, is released into the battle so that the first angel can deliver his message to Daniel. Later in the chapter the Prince of Greece is referenced which seems to be a demonic spirit as well.
 
So, throughout the Old Testament we see the move of demonic spirits who are opposing the people of God and pushing back against God’s will being done on the earth.  Some seem to be posing spirits who are not of great consequence while others seem to have power and authority in the kingdom of darkness. All of this lines up with Paul’s declaration in Ephesians 6 that the real battle is being waged in spiritual realms.
 
Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. (Eph.6:12)
 
Old Testament references to demons are somewhat scattered and vague but in the New Testament, the people of Israel seem to be quite familiar with the demonic.  Jesus, the twelve, the seventy-two and the church engaged in deliverance on a regular (almost daily) basis.  The pattern given to the followers of Jesus to announce the kingdom of heaven was to preach the gospel, heal the sick, cast out demons, cleanse lepers and raise the dead. Many times, those who came to Jesus seemed quite clear about whether a person had a physiological condition or a demon.  Demons manifested in torment, physical conditions that looked like an illness, demonic doctrines taught by men without conscience (1 Tim.4:1-2), and, of course, all kinds of temptation to draw men away from the Father.

(my note: Things that "looked like an illness." Such as when someone goes to the dr for years and can't find a medical reason for an illness. It then would have to be something spiritual.)
 
In general then, we see that demonic spirits are present throughout scripture.  They are indicated before the flood since every imagination of man was evil all the time (Gen.6:5), as Moses faced the occult practices of Pharaoh’s magicians (Ex. 7:11), during the time of the Law and the Exile and most certainly in the New Testament. We will talk more about how these spirits manifest in men later, but tomorrow we will examine a few of the theories about the origin of these spiritual beings.
 
As I close the beginning of this study, I want to emphasize that however we understand the demonic, the bottom lines is always, “He that is in us is greater than he that is in the world” (1 Jn.4:4).  Believers who understand who they are in Christ should not fear the demonic; rather the demonic should fear those believers.

The Light Has Come

This song greatly speaks to me :)  Check it out. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WYCSbDhOZEM
"The Light Will Come"
-by Phil Wickham

To the one with the wounded heart
The years of fighting have left you scarred
Wait, the light will come

To the one with distant eyes
All this crying has left you dry
Wait, the light will come
Wait, the light will come

Lift your eyes, the sun has overcome the night
Come alive as we shine in love's true light

Here is laughter beyond the tears
Here is courage to face your fears
Look, the light has come

So rise, you daughters, and stand, you sons
Claim the victory that Jesus won
Look, the Light has come

 

 

This song is very applicable to me and my life.  When I was a kid I certainly had a wounded heart given what happened to me; it made my life much harder.  I had to fight the lies of Satan more, about myself, about others, about God.  I had to learn to become stronger.  But I knew there was a light, that there was hope, thanks to being raised in church. 

 

I have certainly done my share of crying too, over losses, over hurts etc.  When someone close to me died I thought my life was over, but God has brought my life full circle.  The light did come.  God has turned my mourning into dancing and my sorrow into joy.  He has given me back and blessed me with even more than he took away.  Praise God. :)

 

I love that phrase "the sun has overcome the night."  It truly did and has.  "Though sorrow may last for the night, joy comes in the morning."  Though I went through, and you may be going through, a hard time, the sun will come and break through the darkness of the night.  "This too shall pass." 

 

You can have laughter after and beyond the tears.  You can have courage again, even though the punches of life have left you more fearful.  We can "do all things through Christ" who strengthens us!  Amen? :) 

 

So rise and stand tall and claim the victory of being a son or daughter of God in Jesus.  Jesus brings healing to our souls and wholeness again.  We may get knocked down once, twice or a dozen times in life, but we can always get back up. 

 

I love the line in Batman when the butler asks Bruce, "Why do we fall master Bruce?"  And he says, "So we can learn to pick ourselves back up."  Amen. :)  The more times life knocks you down, the more times you learn how to pick yourself back up, and the stronger you become.

Fidelity

Here is an interesting fact:

"Men and women become jealous for different reasons.   Men feel more threatened by sexual infidelity where as women feel more threatened by emotional infidelity."
 
Yes because to a woman talking IS sex, which guys simply do not understand.   

In a sense if a husband talks to another woman it is the same thing as if he saw his wife kiss another guy.

This is for all you guys out there in relationships.  Don't talk to other women more than you have to. 

And for the women reading this, I know you know how I feel.

I have a hard time getting this concept through to my husband, and the last guy I was with, so pray for him please. :)

Women and men should not converse unless they are in a relationship, that is my strong opinion. 

Working with the opposite sex makes it tricky, but there is a way to only discuss business and not personal matters. 

And Never complain about your partner to someone of the opposite sex.  That is step one in affairs every single time. 

It's baby steps.  It's never something all of a sudden.  It's a slow slippery slope, that starts with "just talking."  No guy and girl are ever "just talking."  That is impossible. 

So don't even go there and you won't mess up what you already have. 

I know about all this cause when I was in relationships before there may have been guys that I worked with at various jobs where I "just talked" with them, but it wasn't just talking if I was honest with myself. 

The more I talked with them, the more I started to feel emotionally connected to them and I felt really bad about it. 

Maybe the guy doesn't get emotionally connected, but the girl almost always does, guaranteed.  Girls fall for someone through talking.  Usually with guys it takes a physical act, but with girls all it takes is talking.  This is one way that men and women are night and day different. 

 The more a guy talks to a girl, regardless of their relationship status, the more he will make them fall for him, whether he is meaning to or not. 

It doesn't matter if both are married, that doesn't make them asexual right?  Think about it. 

Men and women simply can't "just talk" without feelings developing for one or both people. 

It's impossible.  And bottom line, it's a really risky thing to do. 

Guys should never talk to a girl alone if they are married, ever.

How do affairs always begin?   With innocent friendships with the opposite sex. 

People think they are "just talking" to another guy or girl, but it's never "just talking." 

It simply can't be done without the risk of an affair. 

"Flee temptation" like the plague.   "Avoid the appearance of evil." 

Flee anyone of the opposite sex like the plague if you are married, because you never know who might try to destroy your marriage. 

Opposite sex friends are a cancer that will eat away at a marriage eventually. 

This is a warning for anyone out there.  We are to be "as wise as serpents but as innocent as doves."  Don't be foolish and naïve in your thinking.  Be wise. 

May God ever increase wisdom on this.  Amen :)

Encouragement

Here are some encouraging quotes from Joel Osteen.  Do you need to be lifted up?  Read these. :)  God is good!

"God gave you your dream for a reason. He wants to bring it to pass. Your part is to have the faith to see it on the inside before it comes to pass on the outside."

Amen!  Don't give up on your dreams!

"Take heart. God is going to show you joy like you’ve never seen. The spirit of depression and discouragement is being broken. God is going to release a new happiness and passion that you’ve never experienced before."

If you believe it, it can be true for you! This isn't the prosperity gospel, this is the same as saying "Your kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven."  God doesn't want you to be depressed or broken!  He wants you to be healed and whole. :)  Believe it!  God is good and has good plans for you and wants all that is best for you! :)

"Being successful doesn’t necessarily make you great. What makes you great is when you reach back and help somebody else become great."

Or "True greatness is making others feel that they too are great."  Amen! :)

"Instead of living guilty, condemned and focused on past mistakes, declare, “I am forgiven. I am redeemed. I’m wearing a robe of righteousness. God is pleased with me.”

Because He is! :)  Believe it. :)  God loves you just as you are!

"None of us will reach our highest potential by ourselves. We need one another. You can be the one to tip the scales for someone else."

Don't try to do life alone.  And don't neglect others.  They need you and you need them. 

"Just because we’re in a stressful situation doesn’t mean that we have to get stressed out. You may be in the storm. The key is, don’t let the storm get in you."

Amen!  Like an eagle, fly above the storm! 

"Most people just need a little push, a little encouragement to become what God has created them to be. Be a people builder."

Amen!  "People won't remember what you did or said, but how you made them feel."

Love

Healing

Ever wonder why sometimes healing seems so hard?  Ever wonder why being Christian doesn't seem to be enough to fix your past wounds?  Have you tried to pray your way out of pain but it didn't work? 

 

A great book I recommend: "Healing for Damaged Emotions" by David Seamands. He talks about depression, perfectionism and how we can be too hard on ourselves etc.

A quote from the book, "Isn't it true that 'by their fruits ye shall know them'? Yes but it is also true that by their roots you shall understand, and not judge them. (amen Ex. Over here is John, who may appear to be more spiritual... and responsible as a Christian than Bill. But actually, considering John's roots and the good kind of soil he had to grow in and out of, Bill may be a saint by comparison. He may have made much more progress than John in really being conformed to the image of Jesus Christ." This is good, always consider where people are coming from. There is always a reason for things.

 

I love his intro to the book.  He said there are so many Christians that, no matter how much they read the Bible and pray etc. they don't seem to make progress in their walks with God.  The reason, I think, is that often churches do not hit at psychological issues that plague people.  Issues that stem from sexual abuse as a child, or neglect, or critical parents etc. 

 

There is a chapter on depression.  In reading it I realized that I have not struggled with depression too much.  I certainly did after someone close to me died though.  I would cry about it at least once a day for about 6 months and ask God why really.  But this blog really helped me in that time to not sink into the pit of despair and wallow in my misery.  Writing has always been my best therapy and a means to feel like I am still doing something.  I can contribute something to the world.  I don't know who you are reading this, but I hope you benefit from what I write. :)

 

But if you have struggled with depression a lot definitely check out this book.  He talks about that we need to be ok with our sadness or depression when it comes on.  To get mad at yourself for being depressed will only make the problem worse.  Sadness is a part of living in a fallen world.  There are plenty of things to be sad about and it's totally logical that we would be sometimes. 

 

David says, "Certain areas of our lives need special healing by the Holy Spirit.  Because they are not subject to ordinary prayer, discipline, and willpower, they need a special kind of understanding, an unlearning of past wrong programming, and a relearning and reprogramming transformation by the renewal of our minds.  And this is not done overnight." 

 

For sure when we are scarred by things in our childhood we are programmed to think a certain way about certain things.  If our parents were critical, we are programmed to think that no one approves of us ever, including God.  If we were sexually abused or abused in any way we learn to be fearful of people and untrusting.  If we never felt our parents were pleased with us, we will be very self-critical and think we need to accomplish an insane amount for anyone to approve of us.  What we learn as children WILL follow us into adult hood, unless we can see the lies from Satan for what they are, and start to believe the truth about the world rather than the lies.  Amen?  Amen.

 

May God bless you and heal you as you seek to follow Him! :)  Grace and peace be with you. :)

 

 

 

Marriage Tips

 

60 WAYS TO MAKE YOUR MARRIAGE ROCK!

(I have been thinking that if I did write a book someday, I would want to write it on the topic of marriage and how to have a successful marriage; how to be best friends with your spouse.  So many couples drift apart and become strangers really because they don't spend time together.  Here are some good tips on how to have a better marriage.)

 

 1. PRAY TOGETHER ALWAYS

 

Ben and I pray together a lot, especially if we're stressed about something.  It very much helps to release your cares to God together and to ask for His leading in everything. 

 

 2. READ THE SCRIPTURES TOGETHER ALWAYS

 

We need to be better about this. :)

 3. Go on regular date nights...

 

We go out to eat almost every night which is nice. :)  Doing the Chili's or Applebee's 2 for 20 keeps it from being too expensive. :)  Sometimes we go to the movies but it's hard to find things that are ok to watch.  And there's a lake we like to walk around together and talk.

 4. Hide notes in secret places

 

We have not done this, but it sounds interesting. :)

 5. Go to bed at the same time

 

Yes this one is good, so you can talk as you fall asleep, and of course cuddle. :)

 6. Listen to music together

 

I would add, especially worship music.  Worship together and think about how awesome God is together through music.  Or listen to love songs together.  I love the love songs by Bryan Adams.  :)  And sing the love songs to each other.  There is nothing more romantic than that. :)

 7. Buy him/her gifts they will love

 

I tend to mostly buy shirts and clothes for Ben.  They are just as much for me though as him because I like how they look on him.  :)  He gets pretty excited about candy like m and m's so sometimes I will get those just to say I was thinking of you.  And I love it when he buys me stuffed animals.  I don't care about flowers as much because I literally am always sad for them when they die lol.  I don't care much about chocolate because I know it's bad for my teeth etc.  But stuffed animals are always a good gift. :)

 8. Revitalize the romance with intimate dates

 

I suppose dancing would fit in this category.  Yes I have been wanting to go line dancing with Ben for awhile.  Eventually we will. :)

 9. Wear shirts that tell the world you love your spouse

 

I have never seen one of these but that is a good idea.  I would add to that and say dress modestly.  I don't understand when wives dress immodestly when they are married.  I would think that would dishonor their husband.  We want to look attractive to our husband but modest to other men, which can be a hard balance. 

 10. Praise your spouse to other people

 

This one is key.  It is easy sometimes to vent about things they may do to friends, but try not to.  This will distort your own view of them.  Try to only speak of the good things about your spouse to other people.  And NEVER vent about your spouse to someone of the opposite sex.  That is a sure way to start an affair without even meaning to.  Be very careful what you say and to whom you say it. 

 11. Read a marriage devotional

 

This one is good.  I recommend the Love Dare.  That one will help you think about how to love better a lot. :)

 12. Sleep in his t-shirts :)

 13. Renew your vows privately with whispers and memories

 

This is important.  Remind each other that you only have eyes for your spouse and you are there to stay. 

 14. Renew them publicly with cake and bubbly :)

 15. Go away together at least once a year

 

I heard this once in a sermon at Mariners.  Kenton said at least once a week go out to eat with your spouse and at least once a year take a week vacation just the two of you if you can.  Cruises are the most economical way to do that. 

 For Women Only

 16. Hang pictures of the two of you around your house

 

This is good so you can remember the love you have for each other.  A picture is worth a thousand words.  Pictures help you remember the good times as well. :)

 17. Make his favorite dessert

 

hm....I try to stay away from sweets. :)  But sometimes we go get ice cream together which is always fun.

 18. Make sex a priority

 

This is probably a number one reason marriages fade.  Wives do not realize how important this is to their husband, emotionally and physically.  Women need conversation and men need sex just as much.  When wives deprive their husband that is when affairs are more likely to happen. 

 19. Spend time apart occasionally

 

It is good to do some things separately.  Granted work separates couples a lot already.  But on the weekends, it is good to have some things that you do apart.  Don't stifle each other.  Give each other freedom to hang out with friends or do things that are relaxing.  You don't have to spend 24/7 together, but don't spend all your time out either.  Balance is key.  :)

 20. Learn to enjoy something he loves

 

For instance, most wives learn to enjoy whatever sport their husband likes.  My mom has grown to love baseball and she watches the Angels with my step-dad a lot.  I have enjoyed watching football a bit with Ben.  :)  I know Ben loves fishing, but that's not really something I can get into, so that's an apart activity. :)  We both love bike riding and swimming.

 21. Surprise each other

 

Gifts and cards are the best way to surprise each other.  It is nice to get unexpected things from each other for no reason other than that they love you. :)

 22. Meet him at the door

 

Anytime I have not done this I felt bad lol.  It is good to greet your husband; stop what you are doing and give him a hug when he first walks in.  It shows that you are happy to see him and it starts your time together well.  He wants to feel like you are happy that he is home. 

 23. Text each other from across the room

 

This is a good way to show that even if you are apart for a moment you are still thinking of each other.  Texting throughout the day is key too so you always keep in contact. 

 24. Set reminders on your phone to remember him/her throughout the week :)

 25. Call him right now and tell him you appreciate him 

 

Men's number one emotional need is to feel appreciated.  Women want to feel special and loved and men want to feel appreciated.  He is doing most of the things he does for you so he wants to know that it matters. :)  He wants to know that he makes a difference in your life, so tell him. :)

 For Men Only

 26. Leave work on time and come home early

 

Staying at work later than you need to sends a huge message that you care about work more than your spouse.  So yes, try to not spend too much time at work. 

 27. Engage every day in meaningful conversation

 

Conversation is just as important to a woman as sex is to a man.  Talking is sex for a woman essentially.  So talk to her as much as you can and think of things to talk to her about. 

 28. Compliment each other

 

About appearances, about character qualities, anything and everything.  Don't stop flirting with each other just because you are married and you already got your spouse.  Constantly pursue them and love them.  Tell her she's beautiful.  She really needs to hear that.  Tell him he's handsome and what you like about him. :)

 29. Take one day a month to make your spouse your total focus

 

Well it would be ideal if you could do this every day. :)  Whenever you are together make that person your total focus.  But it is good to have a day off and only do things with your spouse.  Go without your phone for a day and only focus on them. 

 30. Argue fair: avoid these words “you always” and “you never”

 

Yes and avoid bringing up the past.  The past is the past and you can do nothing about it.  Arguing should be so that things can get better in the future.  Focusing on the past will only discourage each other.  Talk about what you want to see different and give tangible advice on how they can be better in a certain area without being discouraging. 

31. Kiss every day

 

This is important. :)  And hug every day. :)

 32. Find tangible ways to serve your mate without complaining

 

Such as taking out the trash or doing the dishes.  Doing laundry.  etc.

 33. Forgive quickly

 

The best advice I've heard about marriage is you need to be slow to anger and quick to forgive.  That came from our maintenance man at our last complex lol.  Don't hold onto grudges too long.  That will turn your love cold.  Move on and forget about things that they've done wrong.  It helps to remember things that you have done wrong as well so that you are not always pointing the finger at your spouse. 

 34. Be honest.

 

There is nothing more important in a relationship than honesty in my opinion.  My pet peeve is someone lying to me about anything, no matter how small it is.  Always be totally honest in everything you say.  Remember, Satan is the father of all lies, so lying opens a door to Satan really.  Never lie about anything if you want to have a happy and successful marriage.

 35. Get on the same page: plan your budget together

 

Agree about what you think is worth money and what is not.  Ben and I are agreed that eating out is worth the money, but buying clothes too much is not.  We now think cruises are worth the money so we plan to go on more of those.  Neither of us really buy much that is extra beyond food so that is good. :)

 36. Look your best as often as you can

 

Try to always look attractive to your spouse.  Shower, stay clean, brush your teeth. :)  It's all in the little things. :)  Try to match your clothes etc.

 37. Guard your marriage

 

The most important way to do this is DON'T have close friends of the opposite sex.  You are just asking for trouble if you do that.  It doesn't really matter the age of the friend, just don't do it.  It opens a door to Satan to mess with your spouse or make things look they are something when they are not.  The only person of the opposite sex you should be having long conversations with is your spouse, no one else.  If more people would abide by this rule, affairs wouldn't happen.  Generally, men and women can't be just friends. 

 38. Laugh together

 

Watching funny movies together is good.  But be careful on how clean the movie is.  Sadly most comedies have some vulgar parts.  Doing silly voices together is a good way to laugh together.  :)

 39. When you are together-BE TOGETHER (take a break from phones, technology, etc)

 

There is nothing more insulting then ignoring the person you are with and being on your phone.  If you must do something on your phone, step out of the room.  Phones are great for when we are alone to have something to do, but don't let it interrupt the time with your spouse. 

 40. Tell her she’s pretty, especially when she’s not feeling it

 

This will go a long way.  Women often struggle with insecurities regarding their appearance.  They need to hear from their husband all the time that they think they are attractive.  Nothing will make her love you more than you telling her she's pretty. :)

 Both

 41. Make each other breakfast in bed

 

Or stay in bed long into the morning with each other instead of jumping out of bed and rushing off somewhere.  It's nice to have time in the morning when you can to just talk and cuddle and plan your day together.  :)

 42. Do her chores for her

 

Anytime Ben takes out the trash I am eternally grateful lol.  I hate taking the trash out.  Anytime he carries our laundry some place far I am extremely grateful also.  Dishes are usually a woman thing because we like to put them back in a certain way, so men don't usually need to worry about that. :)  Making the bed is huge if you wake up at a different time.  When the bed is not made it makes the whole house look messy in my opinion.  And generally not leaving messes around the house will create a happier home and show your spouse respect and that you honor their living space as well. :)

 44. Get a couple’s massage or host your own privately

 

Massages are nice.  Nothing says I love you from a husband more than a massage to his wife, especially if her neck is tense from being around the kids all day. :)  

 44. Dance together-soft music (both of you alone) or rocking music with the kids

 

Nothing creates joy better than dancing.  Dancing to love songs or dancing to fun music.  It's good exercise and it's fun to laugh at the silly moves your spouse might come up with.  Dancing is a great way to have fun together. :)

 45. Exercise together- hikes, bike riding, etc

 

My mom has always said what men need most is an exercise partner.  Bike riding is not as strenuous as say running, so try that.  Ben and I like to go swimming.  I have always been quite a fish and love pools.  Hiking is fun, especially in new and different areas. 

 46. Choose not to be annoyed by an irritating behavior/disappointment from your spouse

 

Yes being patient can go along way.  Say they forget things a lot, give them grace. :)  Don't criticize them for their unintentional flaws.  They aren't doing things on purpose even if you think they are.  Grace and patience are key. :)

 47. Thank your spouse often even for the least reason or gesture

 

Being thankful is key.  Say thank you every time they take you out to eat or open your car door or for anything they do.  Everyone wants to feel appreciated.  :)  Plus the more appreciative you are, the more likely they are to do things for you. :)

 48. Lay in bed together and stare into each other eyes

 

As cheesy as this sounds, this is a good way to bond more with each other. :)  I have realized most how much my husband cares about me when he does this; when I can see his love for me in his eyes. :)

 49. Learn something new together-take an art class, cooking lessons, etc

 

I doubt many men or really women would want to take a cooking class.  But learn a new sport together.  Or read a book together and learn things that way.  I like to read aloud to Ben from spiritual books that I'm reading. :)  Listen to sermon together or watch a documentary together. 

 50. Leave a sweet comment on the Facebook wall

 

This is always nice when Ben does this.  It's a nice way to publically say how much you care about your spouse. :)

 51. Support each other’s goals

 

Recently I have been very supportive of Ben's goals.  He wanted to get a CDL license and move to Texas so he could drive and make a lot, so we did.  He very much wanted to be a father and he will be soon. :)  And my goal was to be a parent soon as well. :)  We both have the goal of traveling more before the baby comes so hopefully we will get to do that also.

 52. Bring her flowers/gifts (even when she says they are too expensive)

 

Flowers can be nice.  Lilies are the best I think.  Don't always get the same kind, mix it up.  And don't always get the same gift.  It's good to be random about gifts.  :)

 53. Wear something your spouse loves

 

I often pick out outfits that I want Ben to wear. :)  Matching clothes are very important to me lol.  And he likes a certain dress on me so I wear that for him sometimes. 

 54. Share furniture

 

We like to sit in the same booth when we go out to eat so we are closer to each other. :)

 55. Fight for your marriage

 

Don't be lazy about your marriage.  Remember, your marriage is really your part time job.  It takes work.  You can't expect it be successful on it's own.  Love is not all you need.  You need to make an effort to talk to each other and spend time together as well. 

 56. Make a point to eat dinner together most days of the week.

 

Eating together is important.  In the Bible the disciples often broke bread together.  You become most united with those that you eat with. 

 57. Never let your spouse feel like they come second place to your career or any other thing.

 

Nothing should be your number one priority over your spouse.  Your spouse needs to always be number one.  There is a tendency for men to make work number one and women to make their kids number one.  But that is not good.  The marriage needs to be number one, always. 

 58. Talk about your dreams and aspirations. Be supportive of each other and dream big together!

 

This is key.  You don't really know a person until you know what their dreams are.  Be supportive of each other's dreams.  Often a man will stop sharing his dreams with his wife is she is critical of them.  Don't be critical.  Be encouraging.  :)

 59. Maintain a united front as your motto: Meaning- “Me and you against the world."

 

Try to have the same views about everything.  If you don't, you will be divided.  However, there are some things you will never agree about simply because you aren't the same person.  Agree to disagree and keep peace. 

 60. Speak well of your spouse.

 

Try to never speak negatively about them unless you are just trying to get advice on how to help them.  Don't defame their character to others.  They don't deserve that.  They are trying their best.  Forgive them of their faults and try to focus on their strengths.  Always believe they have good intentions.  That is the most important thing. :)

 Remember your Spouse Rocks- Even when they don’t at the moment!

 

May God bless you and increase your, and my :) wisdom in marriage.  Amen! :)

Churches

I was thinking of all the churches I have been involved in over the years. 

The first one that I really remember was Country Bible Church in Blair, NE.  I did Awanas there from 4th-6th grade.  I also remember being in some plays.  In one play I got to be an angel. :)  That was cool.

I vaguely remember the room where I always went to Sunday school.  I remember one craft we did on the fruit of the Spirit.  We colored different kinds of fruit and glued them to a plate.  I guess that was the only craft I remember because I really liked it. :)

Then I was involved in the Junior High youth group there and had a lot of fun on retreats and camps with them. :)  I remember singing some really fun songs in worship.  I remember us all playing football in the rain once. lol

Then in high school I got really involved in Main Place Christian Fellowship.  At the time it was right next to my high school so it was very convenient.  I went there every day after school and it was fun being able to talk to my youth pastor every day about things. :)  I was on the leadership, missions and worship team.  I went with other members in the church to India when I was only 14.  I remember being in some plays and one time I sang a song in front of the church that I had written.  :)

Then I was involved in the Mariners youth group.  I went to Taiwan with them one summer.  I helped lead worship with Tim Timmons.  He's now famous and has a song on The Fish which is pretty cool.  I think it's called "Revival Song."  :)  And I went to Mexicali with them every Spring Break to lead VBS with kids. 

In college I started going to Rock Harbor Church.  I went to Taiwan with them also. :)  After college I was going to a Bible study pretty much every night of the week there for awhile.  There was one on learning about our personality traits, spiritual gifts, and where we would serve best in the church.  That was my favorite one and I got a lot out of that class. 

Then I went back to Main Place church.  I was involved in helping lead with the youth group.  I taught a pre-school Sunday school class.  I helped lead worship with the kids.  I was on the drama team.  Here's a video of a really funny skit/song we did.  I'm the one wearing the black jersey. :)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UdKLLUGPvC4  :)

Then I went back to Mariners church and got involved in the singles ministry.  I led a couple small groups, one on Revelation and one on Philippians with other adults.  Those were fun. :)  I also led a high school girls small group on inner beauty. 

After that I worked on a cruise ship for awhile, but what I missed most was being involved in a church.  So I stopped cruising :) and went to live with my brother in Omaha.  There I got involved in the church Christ Community Church.  They had a sexual abuse survivors class which I think helped me a lot work through my own abuse.  It was nice knowing I wasn't alone too. 

I started working with the kids too as soon as I moved there.  I led worship for the 4th-6th grade girls for their Wednesday night service.  That was really cool and a lot of fun.  I would make up hand motions to any worship song I could think of and they would follow me in them. 

Then I moved to Lincoln and went to a couple different churches.  There was a really good small group on Love and Respect at one church. 

Once I was back in California I went with my mom to all the Bible studies she was going to.  That was cool.  Then she started leading one and that was exciting.

Then I went to Australia.  I attended the Hillsong church out there but the small groups weren't running yet so I couldn't really get involved. 

Then in Kansas City I got my friend and I into a ton of small groups almost every night on different topics at her church.  We met a lot of new people. :)  I was also going to a church that was more in the inner city.  I went to a few groups at that one also.  I really love the people at that church. 

Then I met my husband.  We went to Vineyard church and another church that was closer to us.  I went to a women's Bible study for awhile about the power of our thoughts. 

Then we moved here to Texas and I'm involved in two churches, helping with the kids at one and in Celebrate Recovery at another one. 

So church has really always been a major part of my life.  It's what kept me going.  It's what keeps me positive and feelings like I have purpose and meaning to my life.  I love being in small groups and I love leading small groups.  I love working with the kids and I love worshipping with 2,000 people at a time. :) 

Pretty much every church I've been in was pretty big.  Well Country Bible was big for the area, considering Blair only had 7,000 people in it. :)  Main Place probably had about 1,000 people.  Then Mariners, wow, there were about 15,000 when I first started going there.  Now I'm sure their numbers are up to 30,000 or more.  Rock Harbor had about 3,000 I'd say.  Christ Community was about 5,000.  A church in Lincoln I went to was about 5,000.  And the churches I'm going to now each have about 4,000 I suppose. 

My experience has been that the bigger the church is, the more God is working there.  Growth is a good sign.  It means they are reaching out to the community and bearing fruit.  It shows that they are successful at what they do if that many people want to go there. 

I have found that the smaller the church is, the more cult like it can become.  Why?  Because there is less accountability.  There are less members to challenge what the pastor is saying or what people are doing.  There is more of a chance of religious abuse and the leaders trying to control and dominate their congregation.  A pastor wouldn't be able to control 2,000 people, but maybe 50 or so. 

My mom was involved in a cult like church called the Local Church for about 12 years.  I was in it from the time I was a baby till six, which was when my dad was molesting me.  It was very small and very controlling.  They didn't want their members to talk to their biological family because they taught that the church was your family now.  They were very strict.  I think that was a big reason for why my dad did what he did.  It's the same with Catholic priests.  When people get into these highly strict religious circles it actually makes them more reprobate.  They feel stifled so they want to act out even more.  They also probably feel they can't talk to anyone about inner struggles they are having so the problem festers in their mind until they act it out.  So beware of highly legalistic, small churches.  Sometimes they only make their people more sick rather than healthy.   

Hence, I try to stay away from the small churches and stick with the bigger ones.  I have seen God much more in bigger churches. 

It is also nice that they offer something almost every night of the week.  So it's not just church on Sunday but every day.  That is how it should be.  We need to be constantly fed with the word and always have fellowship, not just once a week. 

You can't eat once a week and expect to survive well the rest of the week.  You have to eat every day.  It is the same when it comes to fellowship and studying God's word.  We can study it on our own of course, but realistically few of us do and it's hard to be that self-motivated.  Getting into groups helps us to feed ourselves daily or more often. 

So if you're not involved in your church or a church jump in and find some groups to join.  You won't regret it and I'm sure it will be a lot of fun for you. :)  But choose the church wisely that you do get involved in.  God bless! 

Anger

It's funny, I always thought I had a problem with anger, but maybe not.

I've never started a fight with any friend I've ever had. 

I never started a fight in a relationship, until my previous one and my current one, but those were for legitimate reasons I feel because I was worried about other women. 

I can only remember one fight with my brother when I was younger.  I think we were practicing our karate from our class.  I was punching him in the arm or something and he was like "ha that tickles," implying that I was weak so that made me want to punch him harder. :)

I never started a fight with my mom, at least not that I can remember, or my dad, or any other family member. 

If my mom got mad at me about something I was just quiet until she calmed down.  Sometimes my quietness though made her even more mad.  But I have always felt, "The best answer to anger is silence."

There was a fight I somewhat started with my step-mom, but it was more of a just an e-mail to vent my frustrations about how she was over the years.  I never felt like she loved me or even liked me really, and she was very critical of me. 

So I suppose overall I am a peacemaker and a drama free person.  That is good :)

I don't really get angry easily.  I don't react when someone else is angry at me but just stay calm until they calm down, or I leave until they are calm. 

And I have never damaged property when I was angry.  That's a big plus. lol :) 

But everyone gets angry sometimes.  We get angry when someone is not respecting us like they should, which is a good thing.  We need to stand up for ourselves sometimes. 

I suppose working with the babies at church last night made me think of anger. 

We had an infant in our room that would not stop crying.  He seemed quite angry that his mom was not there to feed him.  He was fed naturally and the mom did not leave a bottle, as far I knew, so we could do nothing for him really.  But my goodness was he mad.  His face was red and he seemed quite irate, at us or his mom or both. lol

I was telling my husband, "You haven't seen angry until you've seen a baby angry."  Babies get really, really angry.  That is what their crying is really.  It's basically them saying, "I'm pissed at you because you won't give me what I want!" 

It's quite true we are born with a fallen nature and come out completely selfish. 

Anger can be a selfish reaction, depending on what one is angry about. 

Another thing I thought of in working with the babies last night was, "My goodness, taking care of my own baby will be a bit hard.  This is only 2 hours but that will be 24/7.  God help me." lol

But hopefully I will know what to do to help my baby in all situations.  Usually it's either a new diaper that they need, or they are hungry, or they just want to be held. 

Sometimes though babies just cry because they are tired and there's nothing you can do for them.  They just need to fall asleep.  May God give me wisdom.  4 months to go! :)  woot!

my Grandparents on Bride and Groom show

Check it out! 

I was able to get the video of my grandma and grandpa getting married on the Bride and Groom show uploaded to youtube. woohoo! :)

They were married on the show about 60 years ago and they're still married! Praise God! :) 

And they have been my main inspiration for why I am as Christian as I am now. :)

  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M29EDCG9rzQ&feature=youtu.be