Conviction

Yep, that's how I feel in relation to my view on doctors.  The only person who saw things the way I do was the guy I was with before my husband and he is now dead, ironically due to his doctor prescribing way too many medications for him. 
No one I know sees doctors as I do.  Most people I know put doctors at an almost God status which my whole life has greatly frustrated me; my mom, my best friend, other friends and now almost everyone I know.

I just think people need to recognize that doctors are generally wrong.  I'm not saying they always are, but they generally are. 

The only time my brother ended up in the ER was after a flu shot.  At least my brother feels somewhat the same as I do about doctors so that is nice. :) 

When I wrote my blog on medications about a year ago he said to me on the phone, "If you feel God led you to write about that then that's good."  That was nice to at least have his support.  But, that blog made my best friend cry sadly.  The only time in my life really that I had offended her really, in the 14 years that I have known her.  But I was just writing what I believe to be the truth. 

Sure it would be a lot easier for me to just go along with the crowd and see doctors as everyone else does, as being special and all wise, but I simply don't and never will.  Only God is all wise. 

I think they are generally con artists that benefit off of the foolishness and ignorance of the masses. 

I don't like doctors, for the most part. 

Granted they saved my life when I was 10 from appendicitis.  That was good.  They can do good and do at times.  But generally I think they only hurt people rather than make people better.  That is just what I have seen in the lives of everyone I know.  So that is why I feel the way I do about them. 

You, whoever you are reading this, are entitled to form your own opinion of course.  I am not forcing my opinion on anyone in anything I write.  I just express my own view points about things as I feel led to by God.  I write what I believe to be the truth, and always will, no matter what anyone says.  That is all. 

Grace and peace to you and God bless! :)

Weakness

I think part of my thing about doctors is a pride issue.
Deep down I think, "Doctors are for weak people.  And I am Not weak."

It is the same reason I have a hard time crying in front of other people.  I always want to appear like I have it together.  For the sake of ego and image I suppose.  But also I don't want to be a burden on anyone else. 

But it's logical because all my life I have had to be strong; strong from my mom, my brother, my dad, friends etc.

My mom has had major depression ever since what my dad did, so my whole life I have felt like I have been the one carrying her.  I have had to be strong.  I have essentially had to not have any needs of my own because her needs were so enormous. 

Granted that would be the hardest thing in the world to go through, what my mom did, marrying a man you thought was good and having him molest your own mutual daughter.  I would be horrified for sure, and in her place I probably would have committed suicide.  But she survived, thanks to her faith in God.

But her emotions and mental state were very weak after that, for a very long time.  She was almost unavailable, due to the overwhelming sadness inside of her.  I'm sure she was lonely, and angry at herself for marrying my dad. 

I suppose that is one reason I hadn't wanted to be a mom for so long, because I didn't want to not be there for my kids like I felt my mom wasn't.  Even if she was physically there, she was rarely emotionally there.  But God willing nothing major will go wrong in my family.  I think I have had enough trauma in my life so I'm trusting that God will spare me from anything else catastrophic.  I'm hoping at least.  He doesn't give us more than we can handle and I'm not sure I could handle much more, given all I've already been through. 

So I don't like appearing weak.  My whole life I have tried to be strong.  When I was little I didn't even like the color pink for that reason.  I didn't want to come off as weak.  That's why I got into basketball and sports so young.  I wanted to be tough.  I wanted to have what it takes to fight off anyone if I needed to.  No one was going to mess with me. 

And that is why pregnancy is somewhat frustrating for me because I do feel weak.  I can't walk as fast anymore. :(  I hate that I will have to depend on doctors in a couple of weeks to help me, because I know delivering not at a hospital is incredibly risky.  Women used to die in labor all the time.  But I don't like having to depend on anyone else for anything. 

Which has kept me from going to the doctor most of my life.  I think I only had to go when I was little for ear infections and have not gone since.  Well I went once in college to see if I was hypoglycemic because my mom is; that's the opposite of diabetic.  But the issue was just that I wasn't eating enough so I was feeling drained often. 

I really don't like eating, perhaps for the same reason.  I don't like that my body needs food.  I don't even like that need, of food.  I have always said if I could just take a pill every day and not have to eat at all I would.

The only need I don't resent is needing water.  I love to drink water. :)  And sleep.  I do love to sleep. :)  But otherwise I wish I didn't need anything else. 

I hate when people are needy.  So I never want to come off that way.  Perhaps I resent my own neediness, but given my past I have needed a lot of affirmation and the ability to regain trust in others.  But I wish I didn't.  I wish that had never happened to me and I was more self sufficient and fine.  I wish I had grown up in a good family that met all my needs and I didn't need to look elsewhere to get my needs met. 

God may that be the case for Serenity.  May she totally and completely have all her needs met, in us as parents, and you.  May she never need to look elsewhere to get her needs met.  May she be the happiest little girl in the world, and the best taken care of girl in the world.

Thank you God for Serenity and help us to be really good parents.  Help us to see her as you see her and to cherish her.  Amen. :) 

The Truth About Make Up

This article is amazing!  All my life I have felt there was something wrong with make up.  Check this out. :)  I pulled what I think are the best quotes from it. :)

http://rcg.org/books/tthbm.html

"The cosmetics industry makes billions of dollars annually. Fashion and Hollywood have set the standards for “beauty,” and most people agree with their taste. Women of all ages wear makeup! To most, it is important to be fashionable. But is this practice right—or wrong? Could it even be sin? Is painting your face “fashionable” to God?

Of course, some have no interest in what God says. The Bible h...as no meaning or value to them. They are not concerned with pleasing God. They are only interested in pleasing themselves or being accepted by people. Yet, others are concerned with what God says, but do not know His will....
"The last two decades have seen make-up progress from its early category of woman’s conceit to become an art and an integral part of feminine beauty and psychology." (conceit as in pride and ego)

"At the turn of the twentieth century, makeup was viewed as something only proud, even arrogant women wore...."

The lie of Beauty...

"Little girls can become obsessed with being pretty, when they should be enjoying childhood and playing with dolls and toys. They can easily become slaves to fashion trends that are inseparable from using makeup."

"Vanity—the desire to look more beautiful—is what causes women to paint their faces, and is perhaps the most powerful of human drives." (vanity aka. pride)

"Vani...ty is a powerful force in all human beings, and it is far stronger than most understand. Each person must have a healthy respect for the pull of vanity at work within him." (vanity is a sin. make up brings about vanity, therefore sin.)

"It is reported that “An estimated 1,282 tubes of lipstick and 2,055 jars of skin care products are sold every minute." (wow and lipstick tastes horrible and jars of skin "care" or cover up only cause acne, how ironic)...

 

How hard it is to be a woman....

"The pull of vanity begins early in life. Modern society places enormous emphasis on beauty. As a result, recent studies demonstrate that even very little girls are unhappy with themselves to the point of depression, with many actually contemplating suicide as a result! They feel that they do not measure up to their peers or favorite movie stars. Today, the obsess...ion with being beautiful has led nearly 10 million adolescent and teenage girls into eating disorders. "

"In describing this new trend, one beautician said, “It is as though we have given up on authenticity.” (yes I have always seen make up as a mask, literally and emotionally, it is a way to be fake and not your real self)

"Botox is only the beginning of the threat from various harmful chemicals and toxins that are latent in cosmetics. This has long been understood!"

(any chemicals in make up that you put on your skin can seep through your pores and be toxic to your body)

"Consider the meaning of the word mascara. If we just accept the word for what it is, then it becomes its own honest statement from the cosmetics industry. It comes from the word mask, and the word masquerade also derives from it. In essence, to wear mascara is to wear a mask—and to masquerade as something that one is not—for the purpose of vanity and perceived beauty...." yep.

 

"Even the word cosmetics has a revealing origin. It comes from the Greek word kosmos, which means “of this world, worldly.” (interesting)

 

"Plainly, the use of makeup started nationally in Egypt. The Bible uses Egypt as a type of the sins of this world, which Christians are commanded to come out of."

"Even before its use in Egypt, the original painted harlot was Semiramis, the mother-wife of Nimrod, and the founder of the Babylonian Mystery Religion. (Read our free booklets The True Origin of Christmas and The True Origin of Easter ...to learn more about Semiramis and Nimrod.

Semiramis is known as the mother of all harlots. She used makeup, as well as suggestive whorish clothing, for various religious and sexual rituals....

"Since the artwork described here also employed the use of makeup, it is no wonder that 100 years ago it was generally understood and said that “only bad women wear makeup.” (In biblical times, it was mainly just prostitutes that wore make up)

"The emphasis (in make up) has always been on beauty—and desiring beauty has everything to do with pride and vanity."

"Changing one’s appearance by facial paint is a custom ancient prostitutes have dictated to the modern age." (yep)

"Cosmetics were nothing more than a device used by harlots to, in effect, teach men to break the Seventh Commandment. This is the message of history—yet the whole world lies in ignorance of these facts!" The 7th Commandment being adultery. Porn stars wear tons of make up and have that effect on billions of married men all over the world.

"Israel trusted in her outward appearance instead of God—and modern women unwittingly do the same....."

 

"Ancient Israel always sought to be like the nations around her. Instead of being an example to them, Israel wanted acceptance from them! Women today are no different. Not wearing makeup would make them stand out—and people want to fit in and be accepted. Please examine yourself and recognize this natural desire at work in your mind!"

That is a very good article for sure :)

Beauty and Pride

I used to have a bit of pride about my appearance.

I grew up mainly in the beautiful southern California culture where beauty is everything.  Every girl or woman wants to, and tries to, look like Barbie there as much as they can.

I remember there was a girl in my high school class where every single day she would wear a short skirt, even if it was freezing outside.  Why?  To be beautiful.  Because that was all that mattered, or seemed to matter at least. 

When I was going into college two of my friends, from church ironically, said to me, "When are you going to do something with your hair?!"  So I felt somewhat obligated to get highlights.  And my hair did look good.  I got like 5 different colors of highlights in my hair. 

But about a year into my college life at Biola I was convicted that I had too much pride about my beautiful hair lol.  So I cut it short and died it to be dark brown again. 

I think it is important that as women we watch out for pride over our appearance.  We need to stop comparing ourselves to other women and focusing so much on our appearance.  I just listened to a great sermon by Jimmy Evans on Insecurity.  He said models have the highest levels of insecurity of anyone, and I believe it.  That is because they let beauty become their idol and their god, as it is for many who live in SoCal.  Of course it's good to look good to an extent, but when our security is in our appearance instead of God, that is really bad, and that leads to high levels of insecurity.   

"God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble."

I knew that my pride over my appearance was hindering my relationship with God.  And everyone has a different thing that they might have pride about; their income, talents, abilities etc.   

I also had some arrogance over my skills in basketball.  I was the best shooter I knew, in practices at least.  I always choked in games though. :)  I had a horrible and discouraging coach so that didn't help.  I also had a lot of pride about my ability to sing, and about my grades and how easy school came to me.

It took a long time for me to realize that any good gift or ability I had was from God.  God was the one who made me and gave me the talents that I had, so all along I should have been giving him the glory and not myself, as I was. 

I was very puffed up with pride until my years in college at Biola. 

I was finally humbled there for various reasons.  I was in a program with a lot of students who were way smarter than me, and I knew it.  So that was humbling. :)  I played intramural basketball but we lost most of our games. :)  I wasn't asked out on a date at all until a month before graduation.  I was in choir but I felt quite inferior singing wise to the people I was singing with.  They sounded like the angels in heaven to me. lol :)

But all that was good.  I needed to be broken and humbled.  I love the quote, "Bend the knee or have it broken."  My security was in all these other things and not God.  God did me a favor in breaking me of the things I was prideful about. 

Verses on outward beauty:

1 Tim. 2:9-10 I desire "that the women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with propriety and moderation, not with braided hair or gold or pearls or costly clothing, 10 but, which is proper for women professing godliness, with good works." (Prostitutes in that day braided their hair.  It was the way a woman could look the most beautiful in that time. That is why Paul mentions it here.)

1 Peter 3:3-5 "Do not let your adornment be merely outward—arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel— 4 rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God. 5 For in this manner, in former times, the holy women who trusted in God also adorned themselves."

A verse on make up....

Jer. 4:30 "Though you clothe yourself with crimson,
Though you adorn yourself with ornaments of gold,
Though you enlarge your eyes with paint,
In vain you will make yourself fair;
Your lovers will despise you;
They will seek your life."
 

I guess eye liner was used back then too. :)  The point of this verse is that no matter how beautiful you try to make yourself, if people don't love you for who you naturally are, they will never love you. Love looks at the heart of a person, not at outer appearances.

Amen! :)

Pride is very dangerous, in anything.  Beware of pride in your own heart.  God says he detests seven things.  One of them is "haughty eyes."  Don't have haughty eyes.  Don't think you are better than other people in anything.  Be humble in all things.  Amen :) 

God bless!

How to be a Good Wife

How the Holy Spirit and how wives are meant to be similar....

1. Gentle- have "a gentle and quiet spirit which is very precious in the sight of God."

-this does not mean mousy and weak

-gentle and quiet is the opposite of rough and loud

-be a woman of faith, not fear

-women operate in fear a lot which causes problems, but gentleness is confidence

"When you are in control you do not become controlling."

2. Pure

-doing the right thing

-repay evil with good and God will honor it

3. Positive/Joyful

-not negative but encouraging to spouse

4. Patient

-lower your expectations of your spouse

-be patient with them in all things

-still committed even if our spouse is not perfect :)

5. Gracious

-mercy is sparing someone from something bad, but grace is giving someone something more than what they deserve

-still meet husband's needs even when he seems to not deserve it

-quick to forgive, overlook wrongs


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QphBOK2202o

Women are meant to be counselors
 
"When a woman tells you to not trust somebody, you need to listen to her.  Women can smell something men can't smell." :) 
 
"100% of the time when my wife warned me of something, bad things happened.  If you're a smart man you'll listen to your wife.  She has a kind of sonar or intuition."
 
"Also, the Holy Spirit is always connecting us with other people.  Women are great relational connectors like the Holy Spirit."
 
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R0-FNmEWuCs

"A great wife is like the Holy Spirit, just like a great husband is to be like Jesus Christ."

"Jesus was anointed by the helper, the Holy Spirit.  He could not have done his ministry without the Holy Spirit.  He needed the Holy Spirit, just like husbands need their wives.  Marriage is an exact parallel of Jesus and his work with the church."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d9QuZqhKNfA

Doctors

My overall view on doctors:  I feel very much that doctors are anti-God and God is anti-doctors.

I have very little respect for doctors for various reasons.

As I have written about before, the guy I knew before my husband was essentially killed by his doctor, due to the doctor prescribing way too many drugs for him.  And every other person I have been close to is pretty much being slowly killed by their doctors. 

How?  Through multiple surgeries that only hurt the person more than help them.  Botox shots in my friend's neck to supposedly stop her seizures.  Medication that my brother was on for ADD that made him hooked on drugs for life.  Anti-anxiety meds my friends have been on that only make them essentially crazy.  Causing my mom to have clinical depression for life by having her hooked on anti-depressants for too long. 

For most that I have known, doctors have only made life harder for them.  Doctors have only made people I know more sick and unhealthy rather than helping them to actually be healthy.

Why do doctors do this?  Because they make a profit off of not only keeping you sick, but making you even more sick than you were before you came to them.  Think about it. 

I was pressured greatly by my current OBGYN to take the whooping cough vaccine.  I declined.  A lady at my church said she knew someone who got incredibly sick from that vaccine.  Praise God I was smart and didn't get it.  Case number one that proves that doctors don't really care about you.

Another example, a friend I know got a flu shot in her last pregnancy.  She then got the flu from the flu shot and her baby came out prematurely.  The flu shot caused her baby to be a primi, the very thing they say the flu shot will prevent.  So case number two showing they don't care and that they are liars.

On medication, my grandma had a seizure a few weeks ago.  The doctors put her on "anti-seizure" medication that makes her hallucinate and see all kinds of strange and scary things.  It sounds to me like they put her on acid.  Case number three showing doctors don't care and are actually just paid drug dealers. 

Recently a doctor tried to tell me that using a heat pack for my back when I pulled a muscle was not ok since I am pregnant.  Since when does a heat pack cause damage?  Case number four showing they don't care and doctors think they can control everything you do in life. 

Relating to anti-depressant medications.  These medication actually make the problem of clinical depression worse and a permanent condition rather than a temporary one.  The medications give you a synthetic dose of serotonin, something your body naturally produces when you exercise etc.  After a while of taking the synthetic serotonin, your body actually stops producing it, leaving you completely crippled and dependent on the medication for the rest of your life.

Does that sound like they are making people better, or worse?  Worse, I would say. 

May God give us all wisdom regarding everything having to do with the medical field.  Amen. 

"Be as wise as serpents but as innocent as doves."

Road Trip

Just got back from an awesome trip to California to visit my family.  I think that was the best trip of my life. :)  Possibly.  The road trip my mom, brother and I took 4 years ago up through South Dakota and Yellowstone was pretty awesome too. :)

For one, all the eating out we did on this trip was just wonderful.  My favorite thing to do pretty much is eat out. :)

We pulled into Cali Wednesday night and we were both incredibly tired.  I think I had driven about 12 hours that day from Deming, NM all the way to Costa Mesa. 

For some reason I thought coming up through San Diego would be a good idea, but it was quite stressful.  I am no longer accustomed at all to that much traffic and being around that many cars at once.   It was like a sea of cars everywhere we went. :( 

There was one close call on the road trip.  A semi truck got closer to me than any vehicle has ever gotten to me and I was so sure he was about to ram into the back of my car.  That scared me quite a bit. :( 

I am somewhat sad to be back.  The adventure is over.  But there will be others at some point I'm sure.  :)  

It was so nice to visit my mom and be back at her condo and to be back in Cali for a bit. :)

Half of the drive home we listened to Cloud and Townsend tapes of the Monday night Solutions they used to do at Mariners church.  Yes tapes, lol my car has a tape player. :)  They wrote the book Boundaries and several other great ones.  The best tape was on the topic of confrontation and how it can improve relationships, if done in the right way.  I think we both learned a lot from listening to that one. :) 

We started our drive Tuesday around noon, got into Deming around 7 or 8, and stayed the night there at a Holiday Inn.  Then Wednesday I drove about 12 hours from 7am to 7 or 8pm.  That was hard. :(

We stayed there Thursday and Friday. 

Thursday we went to Newport Beach in the morning and rode beach cruisers around.  That was fun. :)  We got pizza and then went to Coldstone with my mom in the afternoon.  Then we watched some home videos with my mom of her childhood. 

Wednesday was my husband's birthday so we took him to Downtown Disney and had dinner at the Rainforest Café.  I'd say that is the most special restaurant in Orange County, to me at least. :)
 
The next day we met my best friend for breakfast and Mimi's, then had lunch with my grandparents at Claim Jumper.  Then we went to Huntington Beach and ate at the Ruby's on the end of pier, and then went out to Red Robin with my mom and step-dad. 
 
That covered pretty much all my favorite restaurants in SoCal. :) 

Then we headed out Saturday morning around 8 and drove about 12 hours again to Deming and pulled in there around 8pm. 

The next day we drove from about 9am to 4pm. 

And we made it back to our apartment perfectly safe and sound, praise God. :) 

I'm very glad we went. :)

Dreams

I had some very strange dreams last night. 

They may have been because of a talk I had with my mom yesterday.  She said my grandma had a seizure three weeks ago.  I said how I generally think seizures are spiritual and are caused by demons attacking people.  Then she said how my grandpa does think there are demons in their house.  Apparently drug dealers used to own it before them and when they moved in there was blood on the walls.  Pretty creepy. :(

So needless to say I'm sure that was partly why I had the dreams that I did.

In the first dream I was in Japan or China and I was watching a Kung Fu class of some sort.  The students were all middle aged children.  Then all of a sudden this girl who was about 12 looked over at me and glared at me, like she didn't want me to be there.  Her eyes were completely black and she said in the creepiest voice, "I am Satan!"  Then I woke up.  Thank goodness. lol :)

I had never really had a dream like that before. 

In the second dream I was in my room.  The books on my bookshelf were messed up and I knew someone else was in the room.  I asked whoever the unseen being was to straighten them up.  The books started moving until they were all straight.  Then three angels appeared, but they just looked like men really.  They all had white robes on and red or brown hair.  I asked one of them how many were there.  He counted the ones I could see, and others I couldn't see, and he said there were 15 angels there total. 

That was the first time I've "seen" angels in a dream, or dreamed about angels. :)

Then in the last dream I was at a church.  The pastor was saying everyone needed to pray in tongues.  He started speaking in another language.  But it turned out the language was a language from Jakarta and he had grown up in Jakarta, if such a city exists.  I said to everyone there that was not the same thing, since he was just speaking a language that he had known since birth.  But he was fooling the people into thinking he had the gift of tongues when he didn't.

Very strange dreams for sure. 

And then I got this from a friend today in an e-mail.....

"An angel grabbed my hand yesterday!!!  I was in my bed, trying to take a nap.  And I felt I wasn't alone.  I said aloud, "just hold my hand." And someone grabbed my hand!  I felt a hand in my hand, and the greatest surge of energy through my body.  I was terrified, so I tried to scream but I couldn't scream, or move.  I just felt the energy rush through my body and then I was completely exhausted, drained and I still could not move."

Very interesting for sure.  I am not sure it was an angel though since she was terrified.  Usually just Satan and demons invoke fear in people. 

But then again, whenever angels appeared to people in the Bible they always said, "Don't be afraid."  So perhaps seeing an angel or being around one is kind of scary. 

I'm not sure what to make of what kind of being it was that touched her.  If you have any thoughts feel free to comment. 

God bless! :)

Holy Spirit Baptism Cont.

Listen to this....http://www.desiringgod.org/resource-library/sermons/how-to-receive-the-gift-of-the-holy-spirit

The facts are, not every time someone was converted or was baptized in the Holy Spirit in Acts did they immediately speak or pray in tongues.

There are three major instances.  One on the day of Pentecost.  Two when some Gentiles were saved.  And three when Paul ran across some men who had just received John's baptism but had not gotten the Holy Spirit yet. 

But, John Piper points out, "Acts records at least nine other conversion stories, but never again mentions a two-step sequence with tongues (8:36; 9:17–19; 13:12, 48; 14:1; 16:14; 17:4, 34). This shows how difficult it is to establish a norm from the way things happened back then."

Two Years of my Life

It was brought up in a comment on Facebook that I was committing adultery when I was with Roger, the guy who died about a year ago.  And can I just say, they need to rename it drama book lol not Facebook, because that's what it often is.  :)

 

For some reason I never saw it that way.  Yes he was still legally married to his ex-wife and yes we were not legally married, but we both always felt in God's eyes that we were married. 

 

I will explain the whole situation if any of you who have been reading my blog are confused about it. :) 

 

First of all, there are grey areas in our walk with God.  Not everything is black and white.  I used to think that way, but life is full of grey areas. 

 

We cannot be so quick to judge someone until we fully understand their situation.  "Judge not lest ye be judged."  God is our judge, not man. 

 

We are to hold each other accountable to an extent as fellow Christians, but on the other hand Jesus said, "If anyone is without sin let him cast the first stone."  Amen? 

 

We have ALL sinned and we ALL deserve hell.  We are all in the same boat.  None of us is any better than another.  God sees us all, who are in Christ, the same as well.  No one is better and no one is worse than another.  God sees US ALL the same. :)

 

 And praise God Jesus saved us from hell and what we deserve!  Praise God that He forgives us over and over again!  Amen! :)  God is so good!

 

 

 

I truly believe God brought Roger and I together to be together.  It seemed very meant to be, more than any other person I have known in my life.  I remember the first time we hugged it was like that scene in Pocahontas when the wind and leaves swirl around them.  I felt God was smiling down on us and saying, "Yes!  This is good!  This is who I have for you!  This is your destiny and my plan for you!" :)  Granted it was just his plan for the next two years, but it was great while it lasted. :) 

 

I, and all of us, only have to answer to God someday for how we lived our lives, not any other human being. 

 

I am so tired of judgmental Christians, aren't you?  I am so tired of people thinking that they can be God to someone else and that they can say what is right and wrong in someone else's life? 
There was a quote I heard a long time ago that I just love, "You cannot understand someone else until you have walked two miles in their moccasins."  Or something like that.  And you can't.  Not fully.  Until you have lived their life you cannot really understand them or what they are going through.  You cannot pretend to advise them on their life when you are not living it.    

 

Love is not controlling.  Love gives freedom.  Love sees that to really love you have to let the other person be free.  Love is supportive.  Love does not condemn.  Love is encouraging and uplifting etc. 

 

 

I never felt God was mad at me the whole time that I was with Roger. I know what God being mad at me feels like from past relationships with non Christian guys.  But I never ever felt that with Roger.  It felt right.  It felt like I was where God wanted me to be the whole time.  I had a total peace and joy about it, about being with him. 

 

 

I felt that God was very pleased with me and wanted me to help Roger.  Roger was my mission and my full time ministry for the two years that I knew him. God used me to minister to him, just like God used him to minister to me. :)  

 

He helped me a heal a lot from the anger and hurt over my sexual abuse.  He had worked in mental health for 10 years so he was pretty much an expert when it came to sexual abuse victims.  And he himself was sexually abused, so no one in the world could have or did understand me better than he did! 

 

We were best friends.  We were inseparable, attached at the hip.  We did everything together. 

 

We would literally talk for 10 hours at a time.  It was crazy.  We would look at the clock and be like, "Where did the time go?" lol  He had some much wisdom to share with me about life, about people etc. 

 

He understood God better than anyone I have ever known, and how much God loves us. 

 

No one in my life showed me God's love more than he did. 

 

He was completely accepting and loved me unconditionally. 

 

And I helped him in his relationship with God too.  I brought him back to being obedient to God.  I even baptized him, as crazy as that sounds. lol  The only person I've ever baptized, so far anyways. :)

 

I got him to not drink alcohol for his last year, and to not drink soda anymore etc. 

 

I helped him to enjoy life again greatly and he helped me too. 

 

He helped me heal and bind up my wounds from my past.  He helped me to trust men for the first time.  He helped to believe in men for the first time.  He helped me to believe that a man could be a good dad for my kids someday. 

 

I don't regret any of my time with him and I don't regret living with him, even if to some it does seem like living in sin.  I don't care.  It was well worth it.  :)  

 

Paul says in Galatians, "Am I trying to win over human beings or God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I wouldn't be Christ's slave."  Amen.  Give up trying to please people.  It doesn't work.  Just focus on pleasing God amen?  :) 

 

If I could go back and do it all over again, I would. 

 

My mom several times tried to attack me too actually and condemn me and say that I was living in sin, even after he died!  You would think she would drop it by then, but some Christians enjoy judging others just a little too much. :( 

 

Why?  Because it makes them forget about their own sin.  It makes them feel better about themselves for some reason. 

 

But I honor God's opinion above anyone else's; my mom's, the government, friends, and any other human being.  I didn't and don't care that we weren't legally married.  In God's eyes we both saw ourselves as married, and that was all that mattered.

 

The only reason he couldn't divorce his wife was because he couldn't afford to.  If it really bothered my mom she could have offered to pay for his divorce, but she didn't.  We didn't have anyone to help us really.  We were on our own.  It was us and God against the world it seemed.  But at least we had each other for those two years. 

 

Also once Roger's mom finally gave us money to help with the divorce, his ex wife drew out the process as long as she could just to torture Roger because she was a very evil woman. :(  

 

It's possible she was actually possessed, because in one picture I saw of her with Roger and their first baby her eyes were almost black.  But she had blue eyes.  Odd huh.  :(  Very crazy woman.

 

He was actually always worried that she would shoot him with one of her step dad's guns.  No joke.  And this lady would have been capable of something like that. 

 

She hated Roger and made his life a living hell, even when I was with him. 

 

Therefore, I know God sent me into the storm of Roger's life to alleviate some of the pain he had to go through in marrying a crazy person in his past.  He was young and she seduced him.  It was as simple as that.  She conned him and played him.  She knew his family had money and she was only after the money.  She was a gold digger to the max. 

 

(A note to single people, think long and hard before you marry someone.  Make sure they are a good person first and have a good heart or you will be tortured the rest of your life, especially if you have kids with them.  Be very, very careful :(  It really IS the most important decision you will ever make, besides becoming Christian. :)

 

Roger's divorce to his ex wife was almost completely finalized right when he died.  So we were about to be legally married finally.  

 

We only didn't before because we couldn't be.  But he always said he would have married me in a heartbeat if he could have, and in his heart he was married to me and I was to him.

 

So I don't care what anyone else said then or now.  In God's eyes we were married and we both were sure of that. 

 

 

God is ultimately our judge, NOT people.  So don't let anyone else look down on you or try to condemn you.  That is not their place.  If you don't feel that God is angry with you, then ignore people that try to condemn you or judge you.  They are wrong and God is right. 

 

God is our God, not other people.  No matter how much they try to be our god, they are not. 

 

We will answer to God one day and no one else. 

 

Listen for God's voice in everything.  Let him lead you and guide you.  And tune everything else out for the most part.  :)

 

"Turn your eyes upon Jesus, look full in his wonderful face.  And the things of earth will grow strangely dim, in the light of his glory and grace." :)

 

May God increase your wisdom and may your ears be more and more sensitive to his voice.  In Jesus' name Amen!  God bless!

 

 

 

 

Church Divisions

I have somewhat of an ongoing debate with my husband regarding which denomination is better; Charismatic or Baptist. 

But I am not really Baptist either.

Most of my life I have gone to non-denominational churches.

I have never understood why, if we are ALL the body of Christ, and there is "one Spirit, one life, one baptism: etc. why then are we all split up into different denominations?  Why can't we be unified?  Why are there so many church divisions?

I am not anti any denomination per se.  I am anti any religious person that is prideful and wants to add something to Scripture that isn't there.  For some reason people in these smaller sect churches tend to be more prideful and add doctrines to Scripture.

That was why Jesus always got mad at the Pharisees.  They wanted to push their own agenda.  They wanted to control people with their own extra added on rules and doctrines.  They wrote a whole other book just of laws that THEY made up for people to memorize in addition to the Old Testament.  They wanted to micro-manage people.  They were prideful and they wanted control over people. 

People now are in a certain denomination because they want to push certain agenda on people.  They have these extra doctrines that they like such as the baptism of the Holy Spirit in charismatic churches and in Baptist churches that baptism is necessary for salvation.  It is not.  Jesus said to the thief on the cross "Today you will be with me in paradise."  And he was never baptized. 

Neither is the baptism of the Holy Spirit necessary.  The fact is, we are ALL baptized into the Holy Spirit when we are saved.  What charismatics are actually talking about is what is Bible calls just being filled with the Holy Spirit.  This we are supposed to ask for every day, continually.  We need to always be filled up more and more with the Holy Spirit, because this how we get more and more spiritual gifts, and how we are able to walk the Christian walk better.  God's Holy Spirit guides us, directs us, convicts us, speaks to us, helps us know how to pray etc. 

Tongues are just one of the 12 or 13 spiritual gifts.  

I do not have tongues, but I have other gifts.  I just took a class on spiritual gifts and I'm pretty sure I have teaching, giving, exhortation, mercy, serving and maybe administration.

Therefore, I'm good.  :)  I don't need any more. :)

When I was praying about tongues awhile ago I felt God was saying to me, "But I have given you so many gifts already!  Aren't they enough?"  And yes he has.  And I am quite content with the gifts I already have. 

But pride in churches is all over the place.  Pride leads to church splits, division and all the various denominations that we have. 

Then there is the pride of Calvinism. 

First of all, their belief that God saves some and not others arbitrarily is extremely prideful.  Then they get all puffed up on thinking about themselves being God's elect.  And they start to think, "ha God chose me but not you!" 

They don't care about witnessing because "God will save who he will save anyways.  Why should I have to do anything?"

And they get lazy in their Christian walk because once they know they are the elect nothing they do matters.  Why read the Bible?  Why pray?  Why do anything?!  Because "I'm already saved right?  I'm secure." 

See how this can lead to EXTREME pride and extreme laziness? 

I know this is the mentality because I've been there.  Most of my life I believed in the once saved, always saved idea, theory, and I wasn't very motivated to read my Bible or pray or live a good Christian walk devoid of sin either.  I always thought, "Well I'm saved no matter what so why does what I do matter?  What is the motivation for being good?  Why grow in my knowledge of God?  I'm secure right?"  haha. Ah I was so prideful. :)

But "the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom."  And "work out your salvation with fear and trembling."

Just about every church event or service I have been too lately seems to bring up the once saved, always saved theory.  Which irks me because the fact is, no one can really know for sure if that is totally correct. 

There are verses that say seem to say both sides.  Jesus says "In the last days many will fall away."  But he also said, "No one can snatch them out of my hand."

I had a revelation today though in a church service at a Baptist church. 

Children can disown their parents. 

Children can choose to cut of the relationship and stop talking to a parent, as I have my dad. 

We can do the same with God. 

Once we are saved he will never un-adopt us as his children, but we can disown him and run back to the world.  We can end the relationship.

Jesus says, "Any branch that does not bear fruit is cut off and throw into the fire."  But it was once a branch.  It was once connected to the vine, being Jesus. 

Thus, the story of the prodigal son.  And where would the son have gone if he died when he was away? 

I have always believed he would go to hell.

That story represents a Christian, who was a child of God, that disowns God and walks away from him.

God will always welcome a child who ran away back.  But if the child never comes back what then? 

I believe he or she would then go to hell.  They made the decision to leave God, to cut off the relationship, and so they will be punished for it. 

"IF you remain in me I also will remain in you."

It's not, it can't be, that you say the prayer and now you have your magical golden ticket into heaven so you can sit back and relax.

No, that leads to extreme pride and that leads to laziness in the Christian walk.

"Work out your salvation with fear and trembling."  Why would that verse be in their if we had nothing to worry about in regards to being saved or not?

The fact is, we do.  Sin is a slippery slope and we need to be careful. 

May God increase mine and your wisdom about this.  Amen. :)

Demons and Christians

Can Christians be possessed or just oppressed?  What is the difference between the two?  How can Satan attack Christians?  How can he not? 

These are all things I have been thinking about a lot lately. 

From a friend:

"I spent hours counseling a so-called "prophet" who was in the New Apostolic Reformation. I spent many hours talking to him over the phone. In the three hours that he spoke to me in our first conversation, he revealed that he was "plagued" and possessed by demons. He even started saying things like "they know that I'm talking to you, and they're getting angry." I treated him the same way I would an unsaved person; I preached the Gospel to him. I suggested that he may not actually be the prophet he claimed to be. I attempted to say so lovingly, but he would have none of it."

Yes I have seen this on Facebook, people giving themselves the title of Apostle.  There cannot be modern day apostles.  The only apostles were the disciples and Paul and that's IT.  No one today can be an apostle.  So their theology on that is off. 

In regards to this man being possessed, I have seen this in real life.  A very charismatic person I knew seemed to be greatly under the influence of demons.  He was in a deliverance ministry and I got a word of knowledge about him, which I do believe that is a spiritual gift, that said for him in trying to cast demons out of people ,he didn't know what he was doing, and so became plagued by them himself. 

This is my fear in the charismatic movement and the praying in tongues phenomenon.  How do people know that the spirit they are opening themselves up to is really the Holy Spirit?  And why is it that most who pray in tongues seem to be on the broad path that leads to destruction rather than on the narrow path? 

One lady in a charismatic church while supposedly exorcising a demon from someone actually put a demon on that person.  How strange isn't it? 

We need to be careful of these things for sure.  There are people out there who are highly under the influence of Satan, even in the church.  Be on your guard and be wise.  Satan can appear as an angel of light.

"My own sister's house was filled with demons and she was terrified. She called me at 3:00AM one morning weeping; both her and her two sons were terrified. My sister was a professing Christian. I explained to her that demons would never want to be so close to one that was filled with the Holy Spirit, and so I suggested that she never understood the Gospel rightly, while at the same time reiterating the fact that God is the same one that allows demons to bother somebody for a definite reason: namely, to call them back to Himself."

Yes I have heard this many times about 3am.  Watch the movie the Exorcism of Emily Rose and you will notice that in the movie.  There is much more demonic activity in general at 3am.  Something in the movie I just thought of, the girl speaks in tongues when the demon is speaking out of her.  Interesting. 

This explains why demons do not seem to come around me much.  I hear them in my head at times trying to scare me, but I have never seen one or had any crazy experiences.  They do not want to be around someone filled with the Holy Spirit, as I believe I already am, regardless of the fact that I don't pray in tongues. :)  I have several other gifts of the Spirit to confirm this fact in my own mind, such as teaching, maybe prophecy but in the milder sense, exhortation etc.  :)  

This is interesting hearing that God may allow someone to be bothered by demons for a time to bring them back to himself.  I could see that.  God allows suffering in our lives to cause us to run back to him, to get our attention.  Him allowing demons to bother us would certainly get our attention and make us run to him more.  Thankfully he has never had to do this with me because he has always had my full attention, my whole life really. :)  So that is good. :)

Except in the case of the death I experienced a year ago.  I may have been putting that guy on a pedestal and idolizing him.  Therefore it's possible God took him away from me because God is a jealous God and he will not allow anything to take his place.  So we need to be careful of idolizing those that we love and are in a relationship with.

"As such, I preached the Gospel to her at 3 or 4 o'clock in the morning. Upon getting off of the phone, she prayed a very personal prayer and never saw the demons again -- ever since, she has been a changed person, and even a born-again Christian. So do know that I have had experience in such matters, even in "casting out" demons (though, admittedly, I do not boast in such things)."

Yes there are countless Christians in the church who think they are saved but are not.  The Pharisees whole-heartedly thought they were saved but were as far from it as they could have been.  I have seen many that seem to have a faith of the mind but not a faith of the heart.  A faith of the mind does not save us; God wants our heart.  If your heart is not in love with Jesus, you need to check yourself.  You should be somewhat madly in love with Jesus and God etc.  God should be something you think about a lot.  You should want to spend time with him.  If it is not and you don't and you couldn't really care less about God etc, check yourself.  

"The truth is, these big "evidences" of being indwelt by the Holy Spirit are not evidences of salvation at all.  The fruit of the Spirit is not tongues, but "love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law," (Galatians 5:22-23). "

lol that was a very good point and a very plain way to say it.  Tongues can be a spiritual gift, but it is not the evidence of the "baptism of the Holy Spirit" as some would say.  When you are born again, you are baptized into the Holy Spirit.  If you do not have the Holy Spirit, then you are not saved.  It is as simple as that.  But if you have evidence of the fruit of the Spirit in your life and a spiritual gift of some sort, you can know that you are saved.  There is far too much of an emphasis on tongues.  When Paul was converted and the scales fell from his eyes, he did not instantly pray in tongues.  Look it up.  It isn't there.  Never in Acts is Paul recorded as doing anything in tongues.  So that is interesting.  "Come now let us reason together." :) 

"I would beware of doctrines of demons that attribute something to the Holy Spirit that is not of the Holy Spirit; in this case, the "gift of tongues." Don't get me wrong; there is a legitimate gift of tongues -- but to emphasize that one must speak in them as an evidence of salvation is heresy."

Yes it is heresy to push the idea that speaking in tongues is evidence of salvation or any part of salvation. 

Salvation comes simply when you "confess with your mouth Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, and you will be saved."  THAT'S IT.  Nothing else is needed.  Then you should show that you are saved by the fruit in your life.  Your fruit does not save you, but it does show that you are saved.  "You shall know them by their fruit" Jesus said.

As I was thinking about this whole thing last night, about the woman praying in tongues for the last three years but then this possession, the phrase "doctrines of demons" kept popping in my head. 

The facts are, people in other religions pray in tongues too; Hindus, Buddists etc.  It is not just Christians who are able to pray in tongues.  Satan can imitate this spiritual gift easily.

Look at what happened with the magicians in Egypt in Exodus.  Moses did miracles, and the magicians were able to do EXACTLY the same miracles but with what power?  With the power of Satan, with black magic.  So just because someone seems to do something spectacular, that does not necessarily mean it is from God.  Test the spirits.  Satan can do miracles to.  Satan can do amazing things too.  Don't believe everything amazing you see to be from God.  "Satan masquerades as an angel of light."  Meaning he can parade about looking like a Christian.  Think of Benny Hinn.  I think he is the embodiment of this verse. 

"What you heard about was not oppression, but possession. I would make absolutely no mistake about it; if I didn't know better, I would say that your friend came under the power of suggestion for 3 years whereby she began speaking in gibberish, not legitimate tongues. She needs to know the Gospel of Jesus Christ. She must understand the work of Christ, the propitiating atonement of Christ, the resurrection of Christ (and likewise, the justification we have because of the resurrection)."  Amen.

Yes it seems that it was possession.  A demon cannot talk out of someone unless they are completely and totally possessed.  Oppression is being plagued with thoughts etc.  It is hearing Satan talking to you and tempting you.  That is a much more mild thing than a demon actually talking through you.  That is for sure possession.  I know that Christians can be oppressed, but by no means can a real Christian be full on possessed.  "The evil one cannot touch him."  "What can light have in common with darkness." 

A comment from another friend:

"No doubt, the demonic is real. I can't understand any believer questioning it, for it is explained clearly in the Bible. Our battle is not against flesh and blood, but against spirits and principalities.

I absolutely in no way believe a born again Christian can be possessed. It is impossible. Usually, when a person is subjected to possession, at some point, the door to the demonic had been opened."

The question I have about this is can certain forms of tongues speaking open a door to the demonic?  People do not know what they are saying or praying, so how can they know if it really is God speaking through them or a demon?  That is my major concern about it. 

 "My concern is with the American culture being so open and enthralled by the demonic to the point of elevating and celebrating it. Take heed to what fascinates you.

Be fascinated by the power and mercy of the Master and Creator of the Universe, and, by His LOVE. Perfect love casts out fear. "Fear NOT, for I have overcome the world." Greater is He who is in me, than he who is in the world. For nothing can separate you from the love of God."

Amen!  Be careful what fascinate you.  Satan can present himself and demonic things as quite fascinating indeed.  "Satan does not come dressed in a red cape; he comes as everything you've ever wanted." Yep.

Another friend's comment:

"I would go back to the yardstick Jesus gives us: "You will know them by their fruit." A fig tree cannot produce apples and an apple tree cannot produce pineapples.  Satan often counterfeits spirits.  Remember in 2nd Chronicles, an angel proposed to God to go and be a "lying spirit" in the mouth of the prophets.

Also many religious people are not following God's Holy Spirit, but another spirit. Jesus told the Pharisees, the "religious" people of his day, "You are of your father the devil."

(Yes that is a very good point.)

Two other points, God tells us to test the spirits to know if they are from God (do this by comparing it against the Word). If it doesn't line up with God's character, nature, and Word in the Bible, it isn't of God.

Last point, there are a lot of people who will tell you they believe in Jesus but they have followed a man-made, made-up Jesus. They have been given false doctrine and lies and don't know it because they are ignorant of God's Word. Read the scriptures and the real Jesus will be revealed to you."

Amen! I agree with everything she said! 

 So be on your guard about these things.  Be "as wise as serpents but as innocent as doves" as Jesus commands us to be.  "Love the lord your God with your whole mind."  Amen. :)

May God protect you and watch over you and keep the evil one away from you at all times.  In Jesus name, Amen!

Casting Out Demons

I have some very interesting stories to share.

A friend in a Bible study I'm in was in a grocery story a few months ago. 

She was standing next to a couple people and she could feel something was wrong about them, something evil. 

She went to another part of the grocery store and started getting sick.  She then went in the bathroom and ended up passing out.  She was taken in an ambulance to the E.R.

A cat scan was done and there was something in her neck.

That night her pastor came and prayed over her, for a COUPLE hours, to cast a demon out.

While he was praying over her, she was laughing at him in a demonic voice.

He then finally succeeding in casting the demon out. 

The next morning the hospital did an MRI and it showed that whatever was there was gone.

Pretty trippy stuff.  Science proving what happened spiritually.  Very cool. :)

Another story, a friend in this Bible study was laying on her couch one night and she could feel something in her wrist.  It was painful. 

She then felt something crawling under her skin, up her arm and over down her other arm.  She knew it was a demon and prayed, "In the name of Jesus leave!"  The demon left.

I know some won't believe these stories but I do.  I'm pretty good at being able to tell when people are lying to me or are crazy.  Neither of these women were neither lying nor crazy.  They were perfectly normal.

I wrote about this before but another story is my co-worker woke up one night and something was grabbing her hair and whipping her head back and forth.  She said, "By the power and blood of Jesus Satan be gone!"  And whatever it was left. 

Things like this happen.  The first story is a bit scary to me though because it sounds like what happened to her was possession, but as far as she knows she is saved.  So that is interesting for sure. 

If you have any thoughts on any of this feel free to comment.  God bless! :)

The Bible on Sexual Abuse

     Did you know that there is a pretty crazy story of sexual abuse in the Bible?  King David's kids did some pretty crazy things. :(

2 Samuel 13

Amnon and Tamar

"After this Absalom the son of David had a lovely sister, whose name was Tamar; and Amnon the son of David loved her. ² Amnon was so distressed over his sister Tamar that he became sick; for she was a virgin. And it was improper for Amnon to do anything to her. ³ But Amnon had a friend whose name was Jonadab the son of Shimeah, David’s brother. Now Jonadab was a very crafty man. ⁴ And he said to him, “Why are you, the king’s son, becoming thinner day after day? Will you not tell me?”

Amnon said to him, “I love Tamar, my brother Absalom’s sister.”
⁵ So Jonadab said to him, “Lie down on your bed and pretend to be ill. And when your father comes to see you, say to him, ‘Please let my sister Tamar come and give me food, and prepare the food in my sight, that I may see it and eat it from her hand.’” ⁶ Then Amnon lay down and pretended to be ill; and when the king came to see him, Amnon said to the king, “Please let Tamar my sister come and make a couple of cakes for me in my sight, that I may eat from her hand.”
⁷ And David sent home to Tamar, saying, “Now go to your brother Amnon’s house, and prepare food for him.” ⁸ So Tamar went to her brother Amnon’s house; and he was lying down. Then she took flour and kneaded it, made cakes in his sight, and baked the cakes. ⁹ And she took the pan and placed them out before him, but he refused to eat. Then Amnon said, “Have everyone go out from me.” And they all went out from him. ¹⁰ Then Amnon said to Tamar, “Bring the food into the bedroom, that I may eat from your hand.” And Tamar took the cakes which she had made, and brought them to Amnon her brother in the bedroom. ¹¹ Now when she had brought them to him to eat, he took hold of her and said to her, “Come, lie with me, my sister.”
¹² But she answered him, “No, my brother, do not force me, for no such thing should be done in Israel. Do not do this disgraceful thing! ¹³ And I, where could I take my shame? And as for you, you would be like one of the fools in Israel. Now therefore, please speak to the king; for he will not withhold me from you.” ¹⁴ However, he would not heed her voice; and being stronger than she, he forced her and lay with her.
¹⁵ Then Amnon hated her exceedingly, so that the hatred with which he hated her was greater than the love with which he had loved her. And Amnon said to her, “Arise, be gone!”
¹⁶ So she said to him, “No, indeed! This evil of sending me away is worse than the other that you did to me.”
But he would not listen to her. ¹⁷ Then he called his servant who attended him, and said, “Here! Put this woman out, away from me, and bolt the door behind her.” ¹⁸ Now she had on a robe of many colors, for the king’s virgin daughters wore such apparel. And his servant put her out and bolted the door behind her.
¹⁹ Then Tamar put ashes on her head, and tore her robe of many colors that was on her, and laid her hand on her head and went away crying bitterly. ²⁰ And Absalom her brother said to her, “Has Amnon your brother been with you? But now hold your peace, my sister. He is your brother; do not take this thing to heart.” So Tamar remained desolate in her brother Absalom’s house."

Pretty crazy story huh. :( 

The sins of the fathers was passed down.  David was filled with lust and committed adultery with Bathsheba.  Then his son was somewhat cursed with a generational curse and committed sexual immortality as well with his sister!  So crazy.  So sexual abuse and incest has been happening for a very long time.  You are not alone.  Even King David's own kids committed and were victims to sexual abuse. 

What verses are about childhood sexual abuse?

Matthew 18:6                    

"But whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him to have a great millstone fastened around his neck and to be drowned in the depth of the sea."

This is actually for the abuser's own good.  I have seen the deterioration of my dad's heart and mind over the years, and living with himself is a greater punishment than capital punishment would have been.  In Jewish culture he would have been stoned.  But in our culture he was only sentenced to a year in prison and even got out after only 6 months.  Pretty crazy. :(  Eventually justice will be served but God says, "It is mine to avenge."  We are not supposed to try to get revenge in any way on our abuser, God will take care of that.  As I said, having to live with himself is punishment enough in some ways.  If you have read the book Crime and Punishment it analyzes this concept of guilt over sin really well and how it just seems to eat you alive. 

Matthew 25:45                    

"Then he will answer them, saying, ‘Truly, I say to you, as you did not do it to one of the least of these, you did not do it to me.’"

One way to see this is when someone abuses a little child, they are abusing Jesus.  You don't want to mess with Jesus, God's son lol.  God is the defender of those who cannot defend or protect themselves.  It is in God's hands.  Everyone will have to give an account on judgment day for what they have done, so child abusers will as well.  May God's will be done in those situations.       

Psalm 82:3                    

"Give justice to the weak and the fatherless; maintain the right of the afflicted and the destitute."

When children tell their parents or someone in authority about an abuse that person needs to believe them and not dismiss them.  Don't assume they are making it up.  Really listen to kids.  And be an enactor of justice for kids who are abused.                

Psalm 9:9                    

"The Lord is a stronghold for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble."  

When I was a kid I ran to God even more due to what happened to me.  God was my strong tower.  My shelter.  My refuge against the storm of my crazy family life.        

God is always there to comfort anyone who is oppressed.  Amen. :)          

 

Luke 4:18-19                  

“The Spirit of the Lord is upon me, because he has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim liberty to the captives and recovering of sight to the blind, to set at liberty those who are oppressed, to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor.” '

Sexual abuse brings on a kind of oppression of the mind.  Most victims hate themselves and blame themselves for what happened.  It also makes us captives because abuse completely changes how one perceives the world, God, others, and oneself.  We become captive to several lies from Satan.  But Jesus can set us free from ALL OF THAT.  Amen. :)   

"He who the son sets free is free indeed."  woot! lol :)

Isaiah 1:18                    

“Come now, let us reason together, says the Lord: though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red like crimson, they shall become like wool."

Even if you were somewhat at fault for your abuse, such as if you were older, God forgives everything and anything.  There is nothing so big that he cannot forgive it.  It depends on the situation.  In most cases it is not the fault of the one abused in any way.  But in others it would seem they could have gotten out of it; left home if they were older or moved in with a friend.  It's hard to tell, there are so many grey areas.  It's not black and white of course.  But if you do feel any legitimate shame just know God can forgive anything.  Don't worry. :) 

May God bless you and give you peace.  HE LOVES YOU!  More than you realize and more than you love yourself.  God is with you. :)  Amen.