Saturday, December 21, 2013

Conviction



Yep, that's how I feel in relation to my view on doctors.  The only person who saw things the way I do was the guy I was with before my husband and he is now dead, ironically due to his doctor prescribing way too many medications for him. 
No one I know sees doctors as I do.  Most people I know put doctors at an almost God status which my whole life has greatly frustrated me; my mom, my best friend, other friends and now almost everyone I know.

I just think people need to recognize that doctors are generally wrong.  I'm not saying they always are, but they generally are. 

The only time my brother ended up in the ER was after a flu shot.  At least my brother feels somewhat the same as I do about doctors so that is nice. :) 

When I wrote my blog on medications about a year ago he said to me on the phone, "If you feel God led you to write about that then that's good."  That was nice to at least have his support.  But, that blog made my best friend cry sadly.  The only time in my life really that I had offended her really, in the 14 years that I have known her.  But I was just writing what I believe to be the truth. 

Sure it would be a lot easier for me to just go along with the crowd and see doctors as everyone else does, as being special and all wise, but I simply don't and never will.  Only God is all wise. 

I think they are generally con artists that benefit off of the foolishness and ignorance of the masses. 

I don't like doctors, for the most part. 

Granted they saved my life when I was 10 from appendicitis.  That was good.  They can do good and do at times.  But generally I think they only hurt people rather than make people better.  That is just what I have seen in the lives of everyone I know.  So that is why I feel the way I do about them. 

You, whoever you are reading this, are entitled to form your own opinion of course.  I am not forcing my opinion on anyone in anything I write.  I just express my own view points about things as I feel led to by God.  I write what I believe to be the truth, and always will, no matter what anyone says.  That is all. 

Grace and peace to you and God bless! :)

Wednesday, December 18, 2013

Weakness

I think part of my thing about doctors is a pride issue.
Deep down I think, "Doctors are for weak people.  And I am Not weak."

It is the same reason I have a hard time crying in front of other people.  I always want to appear like I have it together.  For the sake of ego and image I suppose.  But also I don't want to be a burden on anyone else. 

But it's logical because all my life I have had to be strong; strong from my mom, my brother, my dad, friends etc.

My mom has had major depression ever since what my dad did, so my whole life I have felt like I have been the one carrying her.  I have had to be strong.  I have essentially had to not have any needs of my own because her needs were so enormous. 

Granted that would be the hardest thing in the world to go through, what my mom did, marrying a man you thought was good and having him molest your own mutual daughter.  I would be horrified for sure, and in her place I probably would have committed suicide.  But she survived, thanks to her faith in God.

But her emotions and mental state were very weak after that, for a very long time.  She was almost unavailable, due to the overwhelming sadness inside of her.  I'm sure she was lonely, and angry at herself for marrying my dad. 

I suppose that is one reason I hadn't wanted to be a mom for so long, because I didn't want to not be there for my kids like I felt my mom wasn't.  Even if she was physically there, she was rarely emotionally there.  But God willing nothing major will go wrong in my family.  I think I have had enough trauma in my life so I'm trusting that God will spare me from anything else catastrophic.  I'm hoping at least.  He doesn't give us more than we can handle and I'm not sure I could handle much more, given all I've already been through. 

So I don't like appearing weak.  My whole life I have tried to be strong.  When I was little I didn't even like the color pink for that reason.  I didn't want to come off as weak.  That's why I got into basketball and sports so young.  I wanted to be tough.  I wanted to have what it takes to fight off anyone if I needed to.  No one was going to mess with me. 

And that is why pregnancy is somewhat frustrating for me because I do feel weak.  I can't walk as fast anymore. :(  I hate that I will have to depend on doctors in a couple of weeks to help me, because I know delivering not at a hospital is incredibly risky.  Women used to die in labor all the time.  But I don't like having to depend on anyone else for anything. 

Which has kept me from going to the doctor most of my life.  I think I only had to go when I was little for ear infections and have not gone since.  Well I went once in college to see if I was hypoglycemic because my mom is; that's the opposite of diabetic.  But the issue was just that I wasn't eating enough so I was feeling drained often. 

I really don't like eating, perhaps for the same reason.  I don't like that my body needs food.  I don't even like that need, of food.  I have always said if I could just take a pill every day and not have to eat at all I would.

The only need I don't resent is needing water.  I love to drink water. :)  And sleep.  I do love to sleep. :)  But otherwise I wish I didn't need anything else. 

I hate when people are needy.  So I never want to come off that way.  Perhaps I resent my own neediness, but given my past I have needed a lot of affirmation and the ability to regain trust in others.  But I wish I didn't.  I wish that had never happened to me and I was more self sufficient and fine.  I wish I had grown up in a good family that met all my needs and I didn't need to look elsewhere to get my needs met. 

God may that be the case for Serenity.  May she totally and completely have all her needs met, in us as parents, and you.  May she never need to look elsewhere to get her needs met.  May she be the happiest little girl in the world, and the best taken care of girl in the world.

Thank you God for Serenity and help us to be really good parents.  Help us to see her as you see her and to cherish her.  Amen. :) 

Saturday, December 14, 2013

The Truth About Make Up

This article is amazing!  All my life I have felt there was something wrong with make up.  Check this out. :)  I pulled what I think are the best quotes from it. :)

http://rcg.org/books/tthbm.html

"The cosmetics industry makes billions of dollars annually. Fashion and Hollywood have set the standards for “beauty,” and most people agree with their taste. Women of all ages wear makeup! To most, it is important to be fashionable. But is this practice right—or wrong? Could it even be sin? Is painting your face “fashionable” to God?

Of course, some have no interest in what God says. The Bible h...
as no meaning or value to them. They are not concerned with pleasing God. They are only interested in pleasing themselves or being accepted by people. Yet, others are concerned with what God says, but do not know His will....
"The last two decades have seen make-up progress from its early category of woman’s conceit to become an art and an integral part of feminine beauty and psychology." (conceit as in pride and ego)

"At the turn of the twentieth century, makeup was viewed as something only proud, even arrogant women wore...."

The lie of Beauty...

"Little girls can become obsessed with being pretty, when they should be enjoying childhood and playing with dolls and toys. They can easily become slaves to fashion trends that are inseparable from using makeup."

"Vanity—the desire to look more beautiful—is what causes women to paint their faces, and is perhaps the most powerful of human drives." (vanity aka. pride)

"Vani...
ty is a powerful force in all human beings, and it is far stronger than most understand. Each person must have a healthy respect for the pull of vanity at work within him." (vanity is a sin. make up brings about vanity, therefore sin.)

"It is reported that “An estimated 1,282 tubes of lipstick and 2,055 jars of skin care products are sold every minute." (wow and lipstick tastes horrible and jars of skin "care" or cover up only cause acne, how ironic)...
 
How hard it is to be a woman....

"The pull of vanity begins early in life. Modern society places enormous emphasis on beauty. As a result, recent studies demonstrate that even very little girls are unhappy with themselves to the point of depression, with many actually contemplating suicide as a result! They feel that they do not measure up to their peers or favorite movie stars. Today, the obsess...
ion with being beautiful has led nearly 10 million adolescent and teenage girls into eating disorders. "

"In describing this new trend, one beautician said, “It is as though we have given up on authenticity.” (yes I have always seen make up as a mask, literally and emotionally, it is a way to be fake and not your real self)

"Botox is only the beginning of the threat from various harmful chemicals and toxins that are latent in cosmetics. This has long been understood!"

(any chemicals in make up that you put on your skin can seep through your pores and be toxic to your body)

"Consider the meaning of the word mascara. If we just accept the word for what it is, then it becomes its own honest statement from the cosmetics industry. It comes from the word mask, and the word masquerade also derives from it. In essence, to wear mascara is to wear a mask—and to masquerade as something that one is not—for the purpose of vanity and perceived beauty...." yep.
 
"Even the word cosmetics has a revealing origin. It comes from the Greek word kosmos, which means “of this world, worldly.” (interesting)
 
"Plainly, the use of makeup started nationally in Egypt. The Bible uses Egypt as a type of the sins of this world, which Christians are commanded to come out of."

"Even before its use in Egypt, the original painted harlot was Semiramis, the mother-wife of Nimrod, and the founder of the Babylonian Mystery Religion. (Read our free booklets The True Origin of Christmas and The True Origin of Easter ...
to learn more about Semiramis and Nimrod.

Semiramis is known as the mother of all harlots. She used makeup, as well as suggestive whorish clothing, for various religious and sexual rituals....

"Since the artwork described here also employed the use of makeup, it is no wonder that 100 years ago it was generally understood and said that “only bad women wear makeup.” (In biblical times, it was mainly just prostitutes that wore make up)

"The emphasis (in make up) has always been on beauty—and desiring beauty has everything to do with pride and vanity."

"Changing one’s appearance by facial paint is a custom ancient prostitutes have dictated to the modern age." (yep)

"Cosmetics were nothing more than a device used by harlots to, in effect, teach men to break the Seventh Commandment. This is the message of history—yet the whole world lies in ignorance of these facts!" The 7th Commandment being adultery. Porn stars wear tons of make up and have that effect on billions of married men all over the world.

"Israel trusted in her outward appearance instead of God—and modern women unwittingly do the same....."
 
"Ancient Israel always sought to be like the nations around her. Instead of being an example to them, Israel wanted acceptance from them! Women today are no different. Not wearing makeup would make them stand out—and people want to fit in and be accepted. Please examine yourself and recognize this natural desire at work in your mind!"

That is a very good article for sure :)

Beauty and Pride

I used to have a bit of pride about my appearance.

I grew up mainly in the beautiful southern California culture where beauty is everything.  Every girl or woman wants to, and tries to, look like Barbie there as much as they can.

I remember there was a girl in my high school class where every single day she would wear a short skirt, even if it was freezing outside.  Why?  To be beautiful.  Because that was all that mattered, or seemed to matter at least. 

When I was going into college two of my friends, from church ironically, said to me, "When are you going to do something with your hair?!"  So I felt somewhat obligated to get highlights.  And my hair did look good.  I got like 5 different colors of highlights in my hair. 

But about a year into my college life at Biola I was convicted that I had too much pride about my beautiful hair lol.  So I cut it short and died it to be dark brown again. 

I think it is important that as women we watch out for pride over our appearance.  We need to stop comparing ourselves to other women and focusing so much on our appearance.  I just listened to a great sermon by Jimmy Evans on Insecurity.  He said models have the highest levels of insecurity of anyone, and I believe it.  That is because they let beauty become their idol and their god, as it is for many who live in SoCal.  Of course it's good to look good to an extent, but when our security is in our appearance instead of God, that is really bad, and that leads to high levels of insecurity.   

"God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble."

I knew that my pride over my appearance was hindering my relationship with God.  And everyone has a different thing that they might have pride about; their income, talents, abilities etc.   

I also had some arrogance over my skills in basketball.  I was the best shooter I knew, in practices at least.  I always choked in games though. :)  I had a horrible and discouraging coach so that didn't help.  I also had a lot of pride about my ability to sing, and about my grades and how easy school came to me.

It took a long time for me to realize that any good gift or ability I had was from God.  God was the one who made me and gave me the talents that I had, so all along I should have been giving him the glory and not myself, as I was. 

I was very puffed up with pride until my years in college at Biola. 

I was finally humbled there for various reasons.  I was in a program with a lot of students who were way smarter than me, and I knew it.  So that was humbling. :)  I played intramural basketball but we lost most of our games. :)  I wasn't asked out on a date at all until a month before graduation.  I was in choir but I felt quite inferior singing wise to the people I was singing with.  They sounded like the angels in heaven to me. lol :)

But all that was good.  I needed to be broken and humbled.  I love the quote, "Bend the knee or have it broken."  My security was in all these other things and not God.  God did me a favor in breaking me of the things I was prideful about. 

Verses on outward beauty:

1 Tim. 2:9-10 I desire "that the women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with propriety and moderation, not with braided hair or gold or pearls or costly clothing, 10 but, which is proper for women professing godliness, with good works." (Prostitutes in that day braided their hair.  It was the way a woman could look the most beautiful in that time. That is why Paul mentions it here.)

1 Peter 3:3-5 "Do not let your adornment be merely outward—arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel— 4 rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God. 5 For in this manner, in former times, the holy women who trusted in God also adorned themselves."

A verse on make up....

Jer. 4:30 "Though you clothe yourself with crimson,
Though you adorn yourself with ornaments of gold,
Though you enlarge your eyes with paint,
In vain you will make yourself fair;
Your lovers will despise you;
They will seek your life."
 


I guess eye liner was used back then too. :)  The point of this verse is that no matter how beautiful you try to make yourself, if people don't love you for who you naturally are, they will never love you. Love looks at the heart of a person, not at outer appearances.

Amen! :)

Pride is very dangerous, in anything.  Beware of pride in your own heart.  God says he detests seven things.  One of them is "haughty eyes."  Don't have haughty eyes.  Don't think you are better than other people in anything.  Be humble in all things.  Amen :) 

God bless!

How to be a Good Wife

How the Holy Spirit and how wives are meant to be similar....

1. Gentle- have "a gentle and quiet spirit which is very precious in the sight of God."

-this does not mean mousy and weak

-gentle and quiet is the opposite of rough and loud

-be a woman of faith, not fear

-women operate in fear a lot which causes problems, but gentleness is confidence

"When you are in control you do not become controlling."

2. Pure

-doing the right thing

-repay evil with good and God will honor it

3. Positive/Joyful

-not negative but encouraging to spouse

4. Patient

-lower your expectations of your spouse

-be patient with them in all things

-still committed even if our spouse is not perfect :)

5. Gracious

-mercy is sparing someone from something bad, but grace is giving someone something more than what they deserve

-still meet husband's needs even when he seems to not deserve it

-quick to forgive, overlook wrongs


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QphBOK2202o

Women are meant to be counselors
 
"When a woman tells you to not trust somebody, you need to listen to her.  Women can smell something men can't smell." :) 
 
"100% of the time when my wife warned me of something, bad things happened.  If you're a smart man you'll listen to your wife.  She has a kind of sonar or intuition."
 
"Also, the Holy Spirit is always connecting us with other people.  Women are great relational connectors like the Holy Spirit."
 
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R0-FNmEWuCs

"A great wife is like the Holy Spirit, just like a great husband is to be like Jesus Christ."

"Jesus was anointed by the helper, the Holy Spirit.  He could not have done his ministry without the Holy Spirit.  He needed the Holy Spirit, just like husbands need their wives.  Marriage is an exact parallel of Jesus and his work with the church."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d9QuZqhKNfA



Friday, December 13, 2013

Doctors

My overall view on doctors:  I feel very much that doctors are anti-God and God is anti-doctors.

I have very little respect for doctors for various reasons.

As I have written about before, the guy I knew before my husband was essentially killed by his doctor, due to the doctor prescribing way too many drugs for him.  And every other person I have been close to is pretty much being slowly killed by their doctors. 

How?  Through multiple surgeries that only hurt the person more than help them.  Botox shots in my friend's neck to supposedly stop her seizures.  Medication that my brother was on for ADD that made him hooked on drugs for life.  Anti-anxiety meds my friends have been on that only make them essentially crazy.  Causing my mom to have clinical depression for life by having her hooked on anti-depressants for too long. 

For most that I have known, doctors have only made life harder for them.  Doctors have only made people I know more sick and unhealthy rather than helping them to actually be healthy.

Why do doctors do this?  Because they make a profit off of not only keeping you sick, but making you even more sick than you were before you came to them.  Think about it. 

I was pressured greatly by my current OBGYN to take the whooping cough vaccine.  I declined.  A lady at my church said she knew someone who got incredibly sick from that vaccine.  Praise God I was smart and didn't get it.  Case number one that proves that doctors don't really care about you.

Another example, a friend I know got a flu shot in her last pregnancy.  She then got the flu from the flu shot and her baby came out prematurely.  The flu shot caused her baby to be a primi, the very thing they say the flu shot will prevent.  So case number two showing they don't care and that they are liars.

On medication, my grandma had a seizure a few weeks ago.  The doctors put her on "anti-seizure" medication that makes her hallucinate and see all kinds of strange and scary things.  It sounds to me like they put her on acid.  Case number three showing doctors don't care and are actually just paid drug dealers. 

Recently a doctor tried to tell me that using a heat pack for my back when I pulled a muscle was not ok since I am pregnant.  Since when does a heat pack cause damage?  Case number four showing they don't care and doctors think they can control everything you do in life. 

Relating to anti-depressant medications.  These medication actually make the problem of clinical depression worse and a permanent condition rather than a temporary one.  The medications give you a synthetic dose of serotonin, something your body naturally produces when you exercise etc.  After a while of taking the synthetic serotonin, your body actually stops producing it, leaving you completely crippled and dependent on the medication for the rest of your life.

Does that sound like they are making people better, or worse?  Worse, I would say. 

May God give us all wisdom regarding everything having to do with the medical field.  Amen. 

"Be as wise as serpents but as innocent as doves."

Monday, December 9, 2013

Road Trip

Just got back from an awesome trip to California to visit my family.  I think that was the best trip of my life. :)  Possibly.  The road trip my mom, brother and I took 4 years ago up through South Dakota and Yellowstone was pretty awesome too. :)

For one, all the eating out we did on this trip was just wonderful.  My favorite thing to do pretty much is eat out. :)


We pulled into Cali Wednesday night and we were both incredibly tired.  I think I had driven about 12 hours that day from Deming, NM all the way to Costa Mesa. 

For some reason I thought coming up through San Diego would be a good idea, but it was quite stressful.  I am no longer accustomed at all to that much traffic and being around that many cars at once.   It was like a sea of cars everywhere we went. :( 

There was one close call on the road trip.  A semi truck got closer to me than any vehicle has ever gotten to me and I was so sure he was about to ram into the back of my car.  That scared me quite a bit. :( 

I am somewhat sad to be back.  The adventure is over.  But there will be others at some point I'm sure.  :)  

It was so nice to visit my mom and be back at her condo and to be back in Cali for a bit. :)

Half of the drive home we listened to Cloud and Townsend tapes of the Monday night Solutions they used to do at Mariners church.  Yes tapes, lol my car has a tape player. :)  They wrote the book Boundaries and several other great ones.  The best tape was on the topic of confrontation and how it can improve relationships, if done in the right way.  I think we both learned a lot from listening to that one. :) 

We started our drive Tuesday around noon, got into Deming around 7 or 8, and stayed the night there at a Holiday Inn.  Then Wednesday I drove about 12 hours from 7am to 7 or 8pm.  That was hard. :(

We stayed there Thursday and Friday. 

Thursday we went to Newport Beach in the morning and rode beach cruisers around.  That was fun. :)  We got pizza and then went to Coldstone with my mom in the afternoon.  Then we watched some home videos with my mom of her childhood. 

Wednesday was my husband's birthday so we took him to Downtown Disney and had dinner at the Rainforest CafĂ©.  I'd say that is the most special restaurant in Orange County, to me at least. :)
 
The next day we met my best friend for breakfast and Mimi's, then had lunch with my grandparents at Claim Jumper.  Then we went to Huntington Beach and ate at the Ruby's on the end of pier, and then went out to Red Robin with my mom and step-dad. 
 
That covered pretty much all my favorite restaurants in SoCal. :) 

Then we headed out Saturday morning around 8 and drove about 12 hours again to Deming and pulled in there around 8pm. 

The next day we drove from about 9am to 4pm. 

And we made it back to our apartment perfectly safe and sound, praise God. :) 

I'm very glad we went. :)

Sunday, December 1, 2013

Dreams

I had some very strange dreams last night. 

They may have been because of a talk I had with my mom yesterday.  She said my grandma had a seizure three weeks ago.  I said how I generally think seizures are spiritual and are caused by demons attacking people.  Then she said how my grandpa does think there are demons in their house.  Apparently drug dealers used to own it before them and when they moved in there was blood on the walls.  Pretty creepy. :(


So needless to say I'm sure that was partly why I had the dreams that I did.

In the first dream I was in Japan or China and I was watching a Kung Fu class of some sort.  The students were all middle aged children.  Then all of a sudden this girl who was about 12 looked over at me and glared at me, like she didn't want me to be there.  Her eyes were completely black and she said in the creepiest voice, "I am Satan!"  Then I woke up.  Thank goodness. lol :)

I had never really had a dream like that before. 

In the second dream I was in my room.  The books on my bookshelf were messed up and I knew someone else was in the room.  I asked whoever the unseen being was to straighten them up.  The books started moving until they were all straight.  Then three angels appeared, but they just looked like men really.  They all had white robes on and red or brown hair.  I asked one of them how many were there.  He counted the ones I could see, and others I couldn't see, and he said there were 15 angels there total. 

That was the first time I've "seen" angels in a dream, or dreamed about angels. :)

Then in the last dream I was at a church.  The pastor was saying everyone needed to pray in tongues.  He started speaking in another language.  But it turned out the language was a language from Jakarta and he had grown up in Jakarta, if such a city exists.  I said to everyone there that was not the same thing, since he was just speaking a language that he had known since birth.  But he was fooling the people into thinking he had the gift of tongues when he didn't.

Very strange dreams for sure. 

And then I got this from a friend today in an e-mail.....

"An angel grabbed my hand yesterday!!!  I was in my bed, trying to take a nap.  And I felt I wasn't alone.  I said aloud, "just hold my hand." And someone grabbed my hand!  I felt a hand in my hand, and the greatest surge of energy through my body.  I was terrified, so I tried to scream but I couldn't scream, or move.  I just felt the energy rush through my body and then I was completely exhausted, drained and I still could not move."

Very interesting for sure.  I am not sure it was an angel though since she was terrified.  Usually just Satan and demons invoke fear in people. 

But then again, whenever angels appeared to people in the Bible they always said, "Don't be afraid."  So perhaps seeing an angel or being around one is kind of scary. 

I'm not sure what to make of what kind of being it was that touched her.  If you have any thoughts feel free to comment. 

God bless! :)